The New England Classic
Freshman ELP Member Shocked To Learn She Might Actually Have To Make Other Friends
MCELROY COMMONS — On Friday afternoon, Maddie Wilson (MCAS ’23) forced to come to terms that the Emerging Leader Program (ELP) might not have provided her with the friendships she hoped it would. After spending two full hours waiting for someone to respond to the lunch invite she sent... Read more
BC Bookstore Announces Jerry York Coffin Collection
McELROY COMMONS — Capitalizing on the success of the Martin Jarmond clothing collection, the Boston College Bookstore unveiled its new “Jerry York Coffins” earlier this week.  When asked for comment, Bookstore officials said the move was a no-brainer. “We know what the BC community wants,” said Bookstore manager William... Read more
SAP Releases Fake “Community Map,” Claims Newton Campus Is Part Of The BC Community
DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus.  The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill... Read more
Total Plug: Dad Gives Sophomore Sip Of Beer During Game
ALUMNI FIELD — Underage sophomore Harry “Heavyweight” Holmes had his entire weekend made when his cool father agreed to share a sip of his beer with him at the game on Saturday.  After tailgating in the Robsham parking lot, where eyewitnesses claim they saw Heavyweight sneaking some drinks behind... Read more
BREAKING: Addazio’s Parents Have Other Son’s Parents’ Weekend, Will Miss Wake Forest Game
THE ADDAZIO RESIDENCE — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio’s parents, Guy and Jude Addazio, will miss the team’s Parents’ Weekend matchup against the Wake Forest Demon Deacons this Saturday, as the couple reportedly informed their son they will once again have to miss Boston College’s Parents’ Weekend... Read more
Student Vapers Decide To Play It Safe And Chain Smoke Cigarettes
RICHDALE FOOD SHOPS — After Governor Charlie Baker finalized the state-wide vape ban on Tuesday, Boston College Juulers announced their plans to take the “responsible course of action” and begin chain smoking cigarettes until electronic vaping devices are declared completely safe.  “I know exactly how horrible cigarettes are for... Read more
Feminism Win: This Woman Slept With Her Professor To Get A Better Grade, But Didn’t Let Him Finish
STOKES HALL 324S — Late Monday evening, young feminist Natasha Meyer (CSOM ’21) delivered a major blow to the patriarchy by sleeping with her professor to receive a better grade on an exam — without letting him finish.  After receiving a failing midterm grade, Meyer wasted no time in... Read more
Innocent Virgin Grass Gets Pounded By 2,500 Co-Eds
STOKES LAWN — 2,500 hot college teens had their way with Boston College’s best piece of grass this weekend at the annual Stokes Set concert. Never before have we seen grass get slammed like this.  Hugh Johnson (CSON ‘22) was one of the many students all up in the... Read more
Roommate’s Sex Playlist Has Too Many Disney Songs
VANDERSLICE HALL — Elizabeth Maretti (MCAS ’22) was reportedly extremely uncomfortable Saturday evening when her roommate’s boyfriend stayed the night.  “I mean first of all the common room couches do not offer much back support, and also my childhood was ruined,” Maretti said of roommate’s sex playlist consisting of... Read more
Psych Major Drops Out: “I’m Tired Of This Neuroscience B.S.”
HIGGINS HALL — Senior neuroscience major Emma McArthur reportedly threw in the towel on Tuesday evening and decided to drop out of Boston College just two semesters away from completing her degree. The night of the breakdown, McArthur was sitting in her Psychophysiology Of Stress class. Classmates on the... Read more