LOWER DINING HALL — On Tuesday afternoon, a gaggle of spunky, Nalgene-wielding warriors were seen huddled around a table, passionately attempting to recruit passers-by to join a new sustainability initiative. Unlike the obvious options of turning off lights or composting, this ambitious group of Mother Nature-loving youngsters have proposed a fresh new take on sustainable living: peeing in your Brita.
“I know it may sound like it violates several health codes and personal boundaries, but it’s perfectly clean. I promise your body can provide for you all on its own, if you just expand your mind a little,” said the leader of the rag-tag group of activists, Reese Eichel (MCAS ’23).
Students that stopped by the table quickly turned around in disgust, appalled by the thought of drinking their own golden liquid. One student, Cole Power (CSOM ’23), told the Classic about his interaction with the seemingly-unshowered radicals.
“I had some time, so I decided to just indulge them for a bit and hear what they had to say. They were going on and on about ‘earth harmony living,’ and how our bodies can nourish us. There was even a demonstration of how one could most-effectively fill the pitcher with their kidneys’ finest waste. I nodded politely and let them have their moment, but once I heard them offering ‘free samples,’ I knew I had to get out of there,” said Power.
At press time, Eichel and her group of urinary misfits were seen checking into UHS with tummy troubles.