The New England Classic
Uh Oh: Coworker Who Seemed Cool Owns A Ton Of Mickey Mouse Shit

“I didn’t think too much of it when he said we were ‘about to be transported to the Most Magical Place on Earth,’ but then he pulled out this Mickey Mouse-shaped bong. Where the hell did he even get that?”

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Classmate Clearly Zooming In From Florida This Week
MIAMI — In an effort to reduce the transmission of Covid-19, Boston College limited spring break to just one day this semester. While the University had hoped that this measure would prevent students from exposing themselves to the deadly virus while traveling, it appeared that one third-year accounting student... Read more
Positive Cases Continue To— Woah, I Just Had Crazy Déjà Vu

I was going to write an article about why coronavirus cases on campus are increasing at an alarming rate, but I was hit with a crazy sense of Déjà Vu in the middle of writing the headline.

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March Madness: Roommate Has Stage 3 Syphilis
WALSH HALL — Spring fever took on a whole new meaning Sunday when Michael Lennon (CSOM ’23) was diagnosed with tertiary syphilis by University Health Services. The news came after weeks of erratic behavior by Lennon that concerned his friends and peers.  Lennon initially disregarded his symptoms, writing off... Read more
5 Signs That Your Sorry Ass Got Dropped From The 8-Man

Sadly, much like Julius Caesar or Meghan Markle, many students are about to find themselves stabbed in the back by those they once called friends.

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Honey, I Shrunk Spring Break!
THE BONN STUDIO THEATRE — Every aspiring artist struggles with the elusive beast that is creativity. Where do great ideas come from? How do we wield them and shape them into fully formed movies, paintings, novels? These were exactly the questions going through Seymour Bush’s (MCAS ’21) mind as... Read more
Fr. Leahy To Offer Exorcisms To The Sick

“I didn’t end up having the virus, but just like the Four Loko, that shit cleaned me out. Lots of stuff resurfaced—turns out Jesus and I have a couple of things in common, like mad daddy issues.”

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Lochhead Flies To Canada As Positive Cases Increase
LOGAN AIRPORT — In the midst of a sharp increase in COVID cases on the Boston College campus, Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead was seen boarding a flight to Toronto late Thursday night.  Lochhead has been responsible for many of the COVID-related emails sent to students, including those which... Read more
Ten Dorm Decorations That Are Absolutely Red Flags
Whether you’re going over to someone’s dorm to seal the deal, work with a classmate on a group project, or you’re an RA who’s about to inform residents that they’ve been suspended by the University — nothing says more about the person living in a room than how they... Read more
OPINION: Dear White Buddhists

It’s one thing to be a garden-variety, store-brand Asian fetishist, but to make the massive shift from big-tiddy-anime-girls to big belly Buddha is deeply unsettling.

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