5 Signs That Your Sorry Ass Got Dropped From The 8-Man
March is here again at Boston College, bringing with it a sinking, desperate sense that it never even left. As spring semester keeps unfolding in new and horrifying ways, many BC students are looking forward to next year for comfort, just as they did this past year. Sadly, much like Julius Caesar or Meghan Markle, many students are about to find themselves stabbed in the back by those they once called friends. Here are some signs you might be the next victim of a housing group disaster:
They Don’t Know Your Name
Everyone’s favorite part of the housing rush is figuring out who’s gonna live in each double. So how come your name’s not on there? They’ve got Schmitty, Reggie, Timmy T, Timmy S, and The Burpster, but where your name should be, it says “Aaron (Nick’s friend).” Who the hell is Aaron, and why is he taking your bed next to The Burpster? Something just doesn’t seem right…
They Don’t Answer Your Calls
As the big day gets closer, you want to make sure all the plans are square in place, and that Timmy S. knows your Eagle I.D. for the reslife portal. But every time you call him up, it goes right to voicemail! Is he dodging you? Ducking your calls? Has he been on the line with someone else for three days? Did something happen to Timmy T.?
They Pretend They Can’t See You
Ok, this is just petty. At lunch, you met up with Reggie and The Burpster for your weekly freezing-cold lunch outside Lower, and they acted like they couldn’t even see you! You talked, and waved, and hurled a salt shaker at them, but they wouldn’t even speak to you. They just kept saying “dude… his chair is pulled out,” and “holy shit, did that salt shaker just move?” Dudes are just so much drama.
They Always Talk About How Much They Miss Having You Around
The worst yet! Every time you hang out with these guys, all they do is try to prank you by sitting around and complaining about you not being there. “God, I just can’t believe he’s really gone,” and “I wish I’d told him how glad I was that we met at Neon Night,” and “Gee, I really should have asked him for my money back,” trying to get a couple of laughs. Pathetic!
You Are Never Hungry Or Thirsty, And You Have No Sense Of Physical Or Temporal Movement
Will this petty trickery never end? Would it have been so hard for the guys just to tell you they wanted to live with somebody else? You’ve been roaming the grounds of Boston College for what feels like centuries, but it can’t have been more than a couple of hours, right? You didn’t notice the sun going down, and you don’t seem to need anything. Say, why can’t you remember getting back from Cityside the other night? You’re just lonely. So lonely. And cold. You have lived one thousand lifetimes, confined to the cruel boundaries of this unholy land. The only person that acknowledges you at all anymore is Jerry York, and he just kinda stares out through the big Conte windows. You should have just gone random!