“This bad boy also has a sick audio system that can play 6 songs, a trunk to hold my empty backpack, and does NOT have seatbelts, so my adrenaline junkie self is really enjoying the rush it gives.”
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Cool Dad Transported From Tailgate (For Routine Colonoscopy)
Big IssuesDrinking September 30, 2022
“It all happened so fast,” recalls Bruce McManus Jr. (CSOM ’23), who was witness to the episode. “One moment, I was crushing brews and tossing the pigskin with my old man. Next thing I knew, he’s getting examined for swollen/irritated tissues, polyps, or cancer in his large intestine!”
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Notale continued, “There is nothing quite as embarrassing as your parents having sex in your dorm bed before you even have. The only thing possibly more embarrassing is having to sit in the hallway with your roommate AND his parents, waiting for them to finish their rekindling. By the length of the wait, I think they went two or three times or they were talking, but I really cannot imagine them talking for that long without a fight.”
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Parents Weakened? Yeah, My Parents Were Weakened By The 2008 Recession!
Big IssuesCampus Culture September 29, 2022
Hessian and her family were drastically affected by the housing crisis of the late 2010s. Her father, a sketchy mortgage lender, was allegedly responsible for the utter decimation of housing prices in the New York City suburban area.
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Eddie Pess (CSOM ’25) reached out to the Classic to talk about his anxieties and to broadcast his plea to the rest of the student body: “Oh gosh, guys. I sure hope nobody fucks my mom.”
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Local Inventor Excited About Patents Weekend
Campus CultureStudent Life September 27, 2022
“I could’ve sworn I heard it was Patents Weekend. I thought it would be a good networking opportunity to put my name on a larger, global map,” Gadget confessed. “Now I have all of my thingamabobs and whos-its with me for nothing.”
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ICYMI: Kyle Leads 3-Hour Game Of ISpy
Campus CultureStudent LifeWTF September 26, 2022
Kyle began, binoculars in hand: “I spy with my little eye… something green!” obviously referring to the t-shirt of someone in the 3rd row.
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EXCLUSIVE: Kyle’s Leaked Setlist For Stokes Set
WTF September 24, 2022
The investigative journalists at The New England Classic have obtained Kyle’s setlist for Stokes Set.
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Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair
SportsStudent Life September 23, 2022
After witnessing several muffed handoffs and fumbles of his resume, the Classic was able to obtain a copy. The resume included several of Jurkovec’s biggest accomplishments including his former attendance of Notre Dame, graduating high school, and duping a whole fan base into believing he was the next Matt Ryan (MCAS ’08).
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BC Dining Combats Ingredient Inflation, Introduces Lettuce Sandwich
Student Life September 21, 2022
Down 3%, lettuce has proven to be a Northern Star in the world of rampant price increases. With that news, BCDS decided to put the new Lettuce Sandwich on their daily menu and sell it for just $8.99!
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