Pre-Law Student Accused Of Doctoring Roommate Agreement
Dorm StuffStudent Life September 19, 2022
“I’m just an easy target because I’m a pre-law student with more ambition than the average person. Even if I did know something, I wouldn’t tell The New England Classic. I’d go to a real paper on campus like [redacted]. Did I mention that I’m double-majoring in political science and economics with a minor in communication?”
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Students Die Of Laughter After Classmate Wears ‘BC Dad’ Shirt At Tailgate
Campus CultureSports September 18, 2022
Ina Vator (CSON ’24), sent shockwaves through the Mod Lot during this weekend’s tailgates by premiering her most avant-garde, commentorial outfit to date. What could this outfit possibly be, you ask? Vator’s renaissance of fashion and comedy was brought about by her shirt: a maroon ‘Boston College Dad’ shirt, artfully crafted into a tube top that looks like it could fall off at any second.
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Football Team Expected To Win All Remaining Games After Hafley Announces “No More Mister Nice Guy”
Sports September 17, 2022
In reports coming in from all across the nation, opposing coaches are literally shivering their timbers, nervously biting their nails back and forth like a typewriter, and losing all bodily fluids at the thought of having to face Hafley and the Eagles. Sports analysts are now scrambling to re-rank all teams nationwide, and many projections now have BC ranked as number one in the country.
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Kyle Backs Out Of Stokes Set And Is Replaced By Father John Misty, Angering BC Jesuits
Campus CultureJesuits September 16, 2022
With song titles like “Fun Times in Babylon,” “God’s Favorite Customer,” and “Holy Shit,” it is easy to see how Administration was fooled, though a quick Google search would have shown that Misty has a history of openly criticizing Christianity. Fr. Leahy added, “When I looked him up on the computer, I started crying.”
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Freshmen Protest Surging Uber Prices By Taking Ambulances Home From Clubs
Freshmen September 15, 2022
“If you call 9-1-1 and tell them that someone is passed out and not breathing, they will literally send a car so fast, and it’s way bigger than an UberXL”
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Goodbye, Potatoes: BC Dining Gets Rid Of The One Thing Students Like
Big IssuesWTF September 14, 2022
Brak’fousst is not alone. Increasing fury continues to spread among students as their staple breakfast item is M.I.A. But for a measly 2-3 times the past month, the crispy little nugs were replaced by other variations of fried potatoes.
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Was That Tree There Yesterday? Keeping Up With BC Landscaping
Campus Culture September 13, 2022
The answer lies in BC’s shrewd landscapers. They sneak onto their excavators in the dead of night to dig up the vegetation around campus, giggling amongst themselves in anticipation of the confusion that will follow the next day as students begin to question their knowledge of a campus they thought they knew.
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“I was fully prepared to hear ‘carpe diem’ on the first day,” Lostsole said. “I kept waiting for him to stand on the desk, but all he did was, lecture?”
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Local Student Under International Investigation Following Incriminating “Slay Queen” Remarks
Big IssuesFeatured September 8, 2022
Chaos has erupted around the globe since the incredibly recent death of Queen Elizabeth as authorities everywhere scramble to rule out foul play. Although autopsies point to natural causes, one student is struggling to clear her name.
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Can He Do That? Girlfriend Laments Losing Boyfriend to Add/Drop
Campus CultureSchool September 7, 2022
Today marks the last day of the Add/Drop period at BC, meaning it’s the last chance for students to enroll in a new course or leave a course that they didn’t quite love.For one senior boy, it meant dropping a girl he didn’t quite love.
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