SPOOKY: Father Leahy To Dress As Active Member Of Community For Halloween

HELL — Celebrities: they’re just like us. Sources report that Father Leahy has been repeatedly spotted ravaging through his glass closet for the perfect set of costumes for Halloweekend. After choosing to save slutty nun and climate terrorist for Saturday and Sunday; Father Leahy still needed to find the perfect look to show off for his campus debut on Friday night. That’s when it hit him. 

Thinking back on application season, Leahy remembered that “active members of the community” were all the rave. “Dressing up as one of these so-called ‘active members of the community’ will show those teenagers cyberbullying me that I’m hip and relatable” Leahy recounted.

Maybe he’d even bring his costume to life by actually communicating with a student or two; even if it’s just shouting a slur or two at a Doc Marten wearing, tote bag sporting passerby. 

Clearly Father Leahy did not read the Canva infographic on the story of literally the worst girl you’ve ever met in your life; nobody taught him that appropriating an identity and culture that isn’t yours is a big no-no. With accountability out of sight out of mind, Leahy set out for his big decennial campus show of face. 

Reporters from the Classic noticed that Leahy discreetly and humbly sat on a bench outside O’Niell for 8 hours and not a single student or professor approached him to kiss his ass, wash his feet, or give him head. After running the numbers, the Classic hypothesizes that this is not out of spite, but simply because nobody has any fucking clue who this old man is or what he looks like. 

At press time, Leahy (or who students think was possibly him) was seen crying on the quad.  

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