Articles | Page 30 of 95 | The New England Classic

Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair

Sports Student Life September 23, 2022

After witnessing several muffed handoffs and fumbles of his resume, the Classic was able to obtain a copy. The resume included several of Jurkovec’s biggest accomplishments including his former attendance of Notre Dame, graduating high school, and duping a whole fan base into believing he was the next Matt Ryan (MCAS ’08).

BC Dining Combats Ingredient Inflation, Introduces Lettuce Sandwich

Student Life September 21, 2022

Down 3%, lettuce has proven to be a Northern Star in the world of rampant price increases. With that news, BCDS decided to put the new Lettuce Sandwich on their daily menu and sell it for just $8.99!

Pre-Law Student Accused Of Doctoring Roommate Agreement

Dorm Stuff Student Life September 19, 2022

“I’m just an easy target because I’m a pre-law student with more ambition than the average person. Even if I did know something, I wouldn’t tell The New England Classic. I’d go to a real paper on campus like [redacted]. Did I mention that I’m double-majoring in political science and economics with a minor in communication?”

Students Die Of Laughter After Classmate Wears ‘BC Dad’ Shirt At Tailgate

Campus Culture Sports September 18, 2022

Ina Vator (CSON ’24), sent shockwaves through the Mod Lot during this weekend’s tailgates by premiering her most avant-garde, commentorial outfit to date. What could this outfit possibly be, you ask? Vator’s renaissance of fashion and comedy was brought about by her shirt: a maroon ‘Boston College Dad’ shirt, artfully crafted into a tube top that looks like it could fall off at any second.

Football Team Expected To Win All Remaining Games After Hafley Announces “No More Mister Nice Guy”

Sports September 17, 2022

In reports coming in from all across the nation, opposing coaches are literally shivering their timbers, nervously biting their nails back and forth like a typewriter, and losing all bodily fluids at the thought of having to face Hafley and the Eagles. Sports analysts are now scrambling to re-rank all teams nationwide, and many projections now have BC ranked as number one in the country.

Kyle Backs Out Of Stokes Set And Is Replaced By Father John Misty, Angering BC Jesuits

Campus Culture Jesuits September 16, 2022

With song titles like “Fun Times in Babylon,” “God’s Favorite Customer,” and “Holy Shit,” it is easy to see how Administration was fooled, though a quick Google search would have shown that Misty has a history of openly criticizing Christianity. Fr. Leahy added, “When I looked him up on the computer, I started crying.”

Freshmen Protest Surging Uber Prices By Taking Ambulances Home From Clubs

Freshmen September 15, 2022

“If you call 9-1-1 and tell them that someone is passed out and not breathing, they will literally send a car so fast, and it’s way bigger than an UberXL”

Goodbye, Potatoes: BC Dining Gets Rid Of The One Thing Students Like

Big Issues WTF September 14, 2022

Brak’fousst is not alone. Increasing fury continues to spread among students as their staple breakfast item is M.I.A. But for a measly 2-3 times the past month, the crispy little nugs were replaced by other variations of fried potatoes.

Was That Tree There Yesterday? Keeping Up With BC Landscaping

Campus Culture September 13, 2022

The answer lies in BC’s shrewd landscapers. They sneak onto their excavators in the dead of night to dig up the vegetation around campus, giggling amongst themselves in anticipation of the confusion that will follow the next day as students begin to question their knowledge of a campus they thought they knew.

“I’m Like Robin Williams In That One Movie,” Says Entirely Blue Professor

Freshmen School September 9, 2022

“I was fully prepared to hear ‘carpe diem’ on the first day,” Lostsole said. “I kept waiting for him to stand on the desk, but all he did was, lecture?”