Kyle Backs Out Of Stokes Set And Is Replaced By Father John Misty, Angering BC Jesuits
STOKES LAWN — After news broke this morning that Kyle backed out of Stokes Set, indie-folk artist Father John Misty was tapped by the Campus Activities Board of Boston College (CAB) to replace him, much to the delight of quirky English majors and the greater Doc Martens fan base. However, CAB seems to have committed a mortal sin against the Jesuits at Saint Mary’s Hall, who were led to believe that Father John Misty was a fellow clergy member who upheld the values of the Jesuits.
“This Stokes Set, we put our faith in CAB to make a selection that would give us a performance of biblical proportions. When we found out Father John Misty was not a Jesuit, ordained, or even Catholic, we were truly disappointed,” said Fr. Leahy.
With song titles like “Fun Times in Babylon,” “God’s Favorite Customer,” and “Holy Shit,” it is easy to see how Administration was fooled, though a quick Google search would have shown that Misty has a history of openly criticizing Christianity. Fr. Leahy added, “When I looked him up on the computer, I started crying.”
This recent incident is just one on a long list of scams that members of the Boston College community have fallen prey to. Just last week, Fr. Leahy was forced to freeze his bank account after following an email that offered him part-time work for $400 a week with “ProFeser Margarettt Thomus.”
Though students were counting on improved selections from previous iterations of Stokes Set, it seems that the student body has fallen victim to the biggest scam of all: believing that CAB could do anything right. But to be fair, even the Classic’s imaginary selection would be mid.
At press time, Jesuits were convincing themselves that Misty’s “Real Love Baby” was actually about Baby Jesus.