After Raising $1.5 Billion, Leahy Still Waiting for a Couple Assholes to Venmo Him
ST. MARY’S HALL—Boston College made fundraising history this week with the completion of its “Light The World” campaign, successfully pulling in $1.5 billion dollars (a stunning 4% of Harvard’s endowment). Unfortunately, Fr. William P. Leahy, SJ is dissatisfied with the effort and reportedly still waiting for “a couple asshole benefactors” to Venmo him their generous contributions to the university so that BC can have raised $1.6 billion.
“Look, we already made a lot of money, and that’s great. In order for this university to grow, we must keep lusting for more cash. But how hard is it for these people to open their phones and send me a couple hundred thousand dollars? They already promised they’d pay me. Venmo makes it so goddamn convenient, they could get it over with in thirty seconds and then they wouldn’t owe me anymore,” said Leahy. According to various sources, Leahy is not going to accept their donations unless they are adorned with “shitty jokes, because Venmo makes those so easy and fun.”
At press time, Leahy had cited lawsuits and beautification as the two main recipients of the extra million dollars.