Was That Tree There Yesterday? Keeping Up With BC Landscaping
STOKES LAWN — Another year means another budget of $980 million dollars for Boston College’s landscaping efforts. Speculators have long wondered how this near-one-billion dollars is spent, but they have not come to any conclusions, until now. Our intel suggests that the money is used on the random uprooting and replanting of trees across campus. How many times have you passed by a mature oak and thought, “wow, I’ve never noticed that before”? Well, the Classic is here to put your mind at ease and let you know that the tree was absolutely not there yesterday.
The curious epidemic has become grounds for serious complaints within the student body. Willow Pine (MCAS ’24) has expressed some concern over the issue. “We’re being gaslighted every day. Sometimes I swear that I see a birch near Lyons, but then it disappears and pops back up on Stokes Lawn!”
Pine isn’t alone in their observations. Multiple anonymous sources have reported similar anomalies, such as beds of tulips materializing on the hill in front of McGuinn. In order to take a hold of the situation, we’ve managed to track the root of the issue.
The answer lies in BC’s shrewd landscapers. They sneak onto their excavators in the dead of night to dig up the vegetation around campus, giggling amongst themselves in anticipation of the confusion that will follow the next day as students begin to question their knowledge of a campus they thought they knew.
So to the distressed students of BC, do not fret. It seems as though the movement of trees and beds of flowers is just a result of one hefty landscaping budget and few cunning (or simply bored) landscapers. Stay vigilant, and enjoy the violently green grass!