Not Again! Scalper Sells Bean Counter Tickets To Unsuspecting Students
SportsStudent Life February 6, 2023 The New England Classic
FULTON BASEMENT — The great Ticketmaster debacle of the 21st century spares no one. Dozens of Boston College students found this out the hard way when they were denied entry into the 70th annual Beanpot Tournament presented by Dunkin’.
Initial reports indicate that an entrepreneurial scalper sold vouchers to Fulton Hall’s Bean Counter disguised as passes to the much-anticipated ice hockey tournament. As the facts continue to roll out, it appears the scheme was far more elaborate than it first appeared to be. The scalper infiltrated the offices of the Carroll School of Management during the annual Con Artist Convention, otherwise known as Bank Week.
“I knew this guy was a bit off when he demanded payments in 30-year unified mortgage-backed securities,” said Gully Bull (CSOM ’25), who bought tickets for his entire 8-man. Unfortunately for Bull and countless other students, the real tickets to the Beanpot quickly sold out due to high demand and the fact that BC Athletics is a pet project from the organizers of the infamous 2017 Fyre Festival.
The Classic got a hold of the legendary ticket scalper Naughthoo Heesayheeis (CSOM ’23) who said, “I got a guy who does counterfeiting in the University Maker Space. His specialty is Nike products and field trip consent forms, but I put in a word for these tickets, and bada bing bada boom, we’re selling Bean Counter tickets!”
For an extra fee, Heesayheeis offered victims of the scam the opportunity to upgrade their tickets to Gold Passes. In fine print on the bottom of each pass was a list of completed tasks required to redeem it. Those activities included: attending Candlelight Mass, completing fourteen backflips at the Brighton Jungle Gym, and ordering Nugenix supplements from Douglas Flutie.
The resulting explosion in demand for the Bean Counter has prompted BC Dining to consider reopening the Fulton Hall facility. Plans are in place to open the Bean Counter to BC students from 3-3:15 a.m. on the fourth Sunday of each month with a Blood Red Moon on the third Monday, if the year is a multiple of six. The premier dining facility will offer Sauce Your Own Credit Rating on alternating Thursdays.
At press time, Heesayheeis was seen jamming wads of cash into the Bank of America ATM outside Walsh Hall.