Liz Cheney Found Searching Through Upper Dorms, Claims To Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Big IssuesCampus CultureWTF October 28, 2024
Spooky! You Had Your Volume On High When You Solved The Mini Crossword In Your 200-person Lecture!
SpookyStudent Life October 24, 2024
He solved the New York Times Mini Crossword in one minute and 29 seconds, letting the sweet jingle of victory ring out in his 200-person African Diaspora and the World lecture.
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Yikes! My Priest Is Texting On The Other Side Of The Confessional
Campus CultureJesuitsLeahyStudent Life October 23, 2024
“While most priests hold this as one of their highest duties to God, some priests like to get a little wacky after a few too many sips of Christ blood.”
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Despite him initiating all forms of intimacy, admitting he has feelings first, and also introducing his parents and peepaw to her at parents’ weekend, Manny Pulator, (CSOM ’26) decided to call things off as he was mid-thrust.
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LTE: Who Put Me In Charge Of Coordinating Fall Break For Every College Ever
Campus CultureHolidaysLTE October 17, 2024
If it weren’t for me, you fuckers wouldn’t be watching a Morgan Wallen cosplayer at a bar in Nashville.
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I Promise, It’s SO Fun! Trying To Explain The Newton Woods To Your Friend Who Goes To UTampa
FeaturedNewtonStudent Life October 16, 2024
Tuah ambushed Dofonder with stories of pool parties, “wild nights” at SAE, and pictures of the Malibu bottles adorning her dorm room window. When asked about the going out scene at BC, Dofonder was dumbfounded.
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Every Gated Community In NY Represented In “Diverse” Class Discussion
Big IssuesCampus CultureSchool October 10, 2024
“What makes us different is what makes us special,” said Shell Turd (CSOM ’28). “I’ve met people from all over the place. I’ve met kids from Oakwood Heights, Pinebridge Estates, Elmton Ranch, and even Maplesden Village all the way out in Westchester!”
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Overzealous RA Confiscates Resident’s Alcohol Functional Group
Dorm StuffDrinkingResLife October 8, 2024
“Hugh is brazen and obviously wreckless,” said Ranie. “He didn’t even care enough to try and hide the alcohol.”
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Uh Oh! The Professor Whose Class You’re Failing Sat Next to You in the Sauna!
Big IssuesWTF October 7, 2024
“But then–lurking from the shadows, my financial accounting professor [Bill Incesheet (CSOM ‘88)] situated his half-naked ass next to me, fresh off a cold call in class, to which I responded with a stuttered mumble and some lightly shat pants.”
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Freshman Submits First Paper In Comic Sans, Claiming It Adds Character
Big IssuesFreshmenWTF October 2, 2024
“Each font has a different story, and that’s, like, so cool. I just love the visual artistry of it all,” said Turner, who left her entire paper formatted in a single paragraph.
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