Articles | Page 65 of 95 | The New England Classic

EagleKink Released To Connect Campus Freaks

Sex WTF January 24, 2019

BOSTON COLLEGE CAREER CENTER — Late last Sunday evening, Boston College administrators introduced EagleKink to the student body, a new extension of popular LinkedIn alternative EagleLink. According to sources, this new software acts as a campus-wide social networking site aimed at connecting students with others interested in alternative sexual... Read more

Eduroam Flooded With “How to tie a tie” Before Career Fair

Campus Culture January 23, 2019

CONTE FORUM — In just a few hours, hundreds of business casual-clad Boston College students will descend upon the Career and Internship Fair in the hopes of landing “the big one.” Resumes, business cards, and firm handshakes will all be exchanged in the name of capitalism, but one important... Read more

How to Break Up With Your Significant Other Before Add/Drop Ends

School Student Life January 22, 2019

Whether you’re a freshman looking to secure the perfect professors for your first major classes, a senior looking for an “easy-A” elective, or Katie finally deciding to dump that douchebag Garrett, add/drop is crucial to making the rest of the semester go smoothly.

Study Shows Gasson 2 To 3 Inches Shorter In Colder Months

Big Issues School January 21, 2019

HIGGINS HALL — According to the results of a new study released by the Biology department late last week, Gasson Hall is two to three inches shorter during colder months. “After analyzing years of data collected by a dedicated team of research scientists, our hard work has finally paid... Read more

Kid Farts

Freezer Student Life January 18, 2019

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th. One witness described a disturbing rumble coming from the rear stairwell after several riders entered the bus at the Reservoir stop. Although unidentified at the... Read more

Off-Campus Juniors Saved $183 In Heating Bill By Hosting Sweaty Parties

Boston Drinking January 17, 2019

FOSTER STREET — After paying their most recent heating bill, the residents of 288 Foster St. have saved $183 this past December. Although Boston has been experiencing a winter with temperatures at record-breaking lows, the juniors maintained a comfortable, humid temperature in their home by hosting extremely sweaty parties... Read more

“¡Ÿó! Whât’š ūp brõ¿” Reports Student Coming Back From Abroad

Abroad January 16, 2019

UNITED STATES — Friends and acquaintances of Linda Wilkins (MCAS ’20) have raised concerns over her “peculiar” new speech habits. Wilkins, who spent the fall semester studying abroad in Barcelona, for some reason started speaking with a nondescript Pan-European accent upon returning to campus. “I saw Linda in the... Read more

Mary Ann’s Reopens As Mary Jane’s

Boston January 15, 2019

It is a disgrace, according to Tokin, that the only bar in the entire city of Boston is being replaced by another dispensary, and that harmless alcoholic drinks are being replaced by a dangerous, illegal substance.

Addazio Left Home Alone, May Miss First Responder Bowl

Addazio Sports December 26, 2018

YAWKEY ATHLETICS CENTER — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss this Wednesday’s matchup against Boise State at the First Responder Bowl in Dallas after being left home alone by the team. The head coach’s absence from the team comes at “a very unfortunate time” for the... Read more

Local Satire Paper Officially Out Of Ideas

Student Life December 3, 2018

CARNEY HALL — According to recent insider reports, Boston College’s only satire publication, The New England Classic, has officially run out of ideas. This revelation comes after an 11-year string of news stories, sketch videos, and football coach video games which some are calling “questionable work, at best.” Yesterday, an... Read more