STAYER HALL — Junior Joanna Yost returned to Boston College last Sunday after a relaxing weekend at home, and found herself in the middle of judgmental and passive-aggressive comments from her peers. They were reportedly “dumbfounded” when she revealed that she had spent her time home unwinding and decompressing... Read more
Can you hear the rumble? The rumble from beyond the hill? The slow, growing rumble of the Heightsmen, bumbling, tumbling and stumbling into town? Be still, for they can smell your fear… Boston College’s ONLY all-male a capella group is singing 50’s Doo-Wop on campus once again. It all... Read more
Twenty-Five Percent Of Freshman Class Comes Down With CoRo Virus
Dorm StuffFreshmenResLife March 21, 2019
After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How... Read more
CARNEY BASEMENT — A clandestine chicken-fighting operation in Carney 003 has become the latest Newton business to accept Eagle Bucks, allowing students to easily bet vending machine money on the vicious bloodsport. Designating university-backed currency as legal tender at illegal animal-fighting rings has been questioned by many at... Read more
Sadistic Fuck Working Out Without Headphones
Student Life March 20, 2019
WILLIAM J. FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — On Wednesday, Warren Fuggit (CSOM ‘20) was seen working out without wearing headphones, much to the horror of the entire student body. His roommates were reportedly “appalled” after witnessing Fuggit leave their 8-man without wearing any form of portable electroacoustic transducer. “I can’t... Read more
“Franklin declined to give The Classic any comment. Efforts to reach out to her third eye were unsuccessful as well.”
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How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”
Dorm StuffFreshmen March 18, 2019
It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions... Read more
Holy shit, it’s your birthday! You’re another year older, and BC knows the most thrilling way for you to celebrate. A nice dinner with your friends and family? Humbug! A card from grandma? Phooey! These gifts are nothing compared to the gift Agora is giving you this year –... Read more
“It was, like, so dark in there. I accidentally mixed my vodka with milk.”
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Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days
DrinkingServiceStudent Life March 10, 2019
RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino. Though he “straight up... Read more