Feminism Win: This Woman Slept With Her Professor To Get A Better Grade, But Didn’t Let Him Finish
STOKES HALL 324S — Late Monday evening, young feminist Natasha Meyer (CSOM ’21) delivered a major blow to the patriarchy by sleeping with her professor to receive a better grade on an exam — without letting him finish.
After receiving a failing midterm grade, Meyer wasted no time in seeking out Professor John Baum during his ‘open’ office hours. While Baum adamantly denied Meyer’s request for extra credit, the young woman quickly realized her tactics needed to be taken to the next level. Using her extensive knowledge of various “Hot for Teacher”-esque XXX-rated films, Meyer successfully seduced the tenured professor of fifteen years.
“All I had to do was undo the top button of my shirt and lightly chew on a pencil,” Meyer said in a statement to the Classic. “As soon as I said I would be willing to do anything for a better grade, he knew exactly what I was getting at. I had him right where I wanted him.”
While Meyer is certainly not the first to romance a professor in exchange for a better grade, the junior surely secured her place in the
history herstory books by becoming the first woman to sleep with her professor without letting him finish.
“Honestly, in this victory for the feminist movement, I’m just really proud to promote female empowerment for women on any college campus,” said Meyer. “You should have seen the look on Professor Baum’s face when I got up and walked away. He was all like ‘Wait what? Where are you going?’ And he still bumped me up to an A-! If this was twenty, maybe thirty years ago, I would never have had the confidence for that. Heck, I probably would have made sure he finished and been happy with a B+! The future really is female.”
At press time, Meyer was seen receiving an invitation to serve as the grand marshal of the 2020 Women’s March.