Tragic: Student Finished With Midterms Has Nothing Left To Rant About

MAIN CAMPUS — After two weeks of pure exam-fueled hell, Arnold Wilson (MCAS ‘20) has declared he has nothing left to complain about.

The announcement follows his completion of the Principles of Microeconomics midterm exam, the last in a string of horrific assessments. Friends of Wilson have made their concern over his new-found freedom known to his professors.

“I told Arnold’s Econ professor that he’s been really quiet lately,”said friend and classmate Paul Herrick (LSOE ’20). “She wouldn’t give another exam, even when I begged her to! I think it’s been devastating to his social life now that he has nothing to talk about with his peers.”

Wilson’s roommates explained that he now spends most of his time in their eight-man common room watching reruns of HGTV’s Love it or List It. Direct roommate Dylan Plateau (MCAS ’20) was quick to point out that this isn’t much different from before, and that the only difference is that he now brings up his upcoming exams much less frequently.

“He’s definitely more quiet now than he was a few weeks ago. He used to sit at his desk with all of his books open, playing games on his phone. Now he doesn’t even bother to open his books,” Plateau lamented.

At press time, witnesses reported Wilson was wandering around Lower Campus, complaining about not having anything to rant about.

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