Worse Than Being Fired: Addazio Family Forced To Celebrate Christmas In Detroit
AddazioOld Articles December 5, 2016
“I’m hoping the team can get together and do some tackling drills in an abandonded automobile factory. What’s better than dudes being dudes, crushing each others skulls among the ruins of American industry?”
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Students Thrilled To Know Leahy Cares, Even Happier To Know He’s Alive And Well
LeahyOld Articles November 29, 2016
BOSTON COLLEGE — The Heights broke news earlier this evening that President Fr. William P. Leahy, S.J., signed a statement supporting Boston College’s commitment to protecting its undocumented students by holding up President Obama’s executive order, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA). Because DACA may be in danger of... Read more
Addazio Trampled While Black Friday Shopping At Bed Bath & Beyond
AddazioOld Articles November 25, 2016
CHESTNUT HILL MALL — Tragedy struck in the wee hours of Friday morning, as Boston College Head Coach Steve Addazio has been taken to the hospital after being trampled at a local Bed Bath & Beyond in a fit of Black Friday-induced violence. Addazio had been camping outside the... Read more
Friends From First Week Of Freshman Year Finally Distant Enough To Just Ignore One Another
Old Articles November 17, 2016
O’NEILL QUAD — As they passed each other without eye contact or acknowledgement between classes this afternoon, juniors Kelly Jones (CSON ‘18) and Kayla McArthur (MCAS ‘18) breathed a collective sigh of relief, relishing in enjoyment of their mutual disregard for each other. While future trends in human interaction are difficult... Read more
Welcome To Another Episode Of Pimp My UIS!
Old Articles November 16, 2016
Welcome to another episode of Pimp My UIS! I’m your host, world-renowned Catholic rapper ever2Xcel, and today we’ve got a university information system that is in serious need of an upgrade! Johnny Manzo is a junior in the Lynch School here at Boston College, and he’s been registering for courses for years... Read more
Fashionably Late Freshman Third Person At Party
Old Articles November 13, 2016
RUBENSTEIN HALL — After buttoning the last button of his fine poly-cotton blend shirt at approximately 8:24 p.m. in his Keyes South double, Arnold Pellegrini (MCAS ‘20) was spotted making his way to the Newton bus with a cool, collected confidence that he hadn’t experienced since high school, when... Read more
MIDDLE CAMPUS — At 11:02AM this morning, senior Bryan McDadderson (MCAS ’17) placed his fingers to keyboard and—uh-oh—thought about posting a Facebook status with his “unique” insight into the 2016 presidential election. While McDadderson reportedly told himself that this behavior was not consistent with his normal online activity, sources... Read more
Fr. Leahy Announces Ambitious 10 Year Plan Of Keeping Things Exactly How They Are
Old Articles November 4, 2016
ST. MARY’S HALL — Inspired by the historic lack of discourse about policy and reform proposals in the 2016 presidential election, university president Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., held a private press conference on Friday to announce his bold new vision for the next ten years of academic, infrastructural,... Read more
Freshman Takes Off Mask For Halloween
Old Articles October 30, 2016
LES MODULARS — Jake Griffin (CSOM ‘20) caused shock, confusion, and a worrying amount of arousal to a number of students with his controversial choice of Halloween costume this year. In spite of the temptation to dress as ‘Sexy Steve Addazio’ or ‘Sassy Stuart Lunch Lady,’ Jake took a different approach,... Read more
Addazio To Skip Road Game This Weekend In Order To Complete TMNT Group Halloween Costume
AddazioOld Articles October 28, 2016
PARTY CITY — In a surprising yet completely predictable move, Boston College Head Football Coach Steve Addazio will not be traveling down south with his team to face off against NC State on Saturday. Instead, he has announced that he must remain in the Boston area for Halloween weekend,... Read more