Articles | Page 90 of 95 | The New England Classic

Insufferable Freshman Still Complaining About Living On Newton

Old Articles May 3, 2016

DUCHESNE EAST (UGH, IT SUCKS)—The eye rolls in Stuart Dining Hall were audible late last week when Moe Vaughn was overheard complaining about living on Newton Campus. Although bitching about living on the satellite campus is a typical coming-of-age tradition for roughly 40% of the freshman class each year,... Read more

Temporary Outage in Gasson Lighting Causes BC to Plummet in College Rankings

School April 24, 2016

LINDEN LANE —In an unexpected turn of events, U.S. News & World Report announced that Boston College has dropped 16 spots in its highly-regarded ranking of national universities. Although the Washington D.C.-based news outlet typically updates its list only once a year in September, U.S. News spokesperson Darby Trary... Read more

BC Athletics Downgrades ‘SuperFans’ to ‘OkayFans’

Sports Student Life April 21, 2016

Consistent mediocrity appears to be SuperFan’s kryptonite.

Boston Strong: This Freshman Almost Threw Up, But Didn’t!

Boston Freshmen Holidays April 18, 2016

COMM. AVE — In a display of strength and resolve to rival that of Boston’s colonial freedom fighters, freshman Brock Barth (MCAS ’19) reportedly fought and conquered the urge to vomit while watching today’s marathon. Barth had woken up at 6:00 AM to begin “crushing” the 36 pack of... Read more

Senior Completes Arduous Marathon Monday Drinking Training Regimen

Holidays Old Articles Student Life April 12, 2016

Tout predicts that the hardest stretch of his Monday afternoon will occur roughly around 20 beers into the drinking marathon, which is widely referred to as the infamous “Heart Failure Hill.”

The NEC Endorses An Autocratic Monarchy For UGBC Executive Presidency

Old Articles March 30, 2016

FROM THE CLASSIC’S EDITORIAL BOARD: Like a potato reaching the apex of golden crispiness in an oven at a roasting 375ºF, the UGBC presidential campaign season is drawing near its end. After several contentious debates and extensive campaigning, the field has narrowed to only three teams, who have all... Read more

Econ Major Is Basically In CSOM, Okay?

Old Articles School March 29, 2016

NOT FULTON — Sitting in Devlin 008 during Environmental Geoscience and updating his resume and LinkedIn profile while searching for summer internships on Wall Street, sophomore Devin Gattison (MCAS ‘18) firmly reminded himself that he’s basically in CSOM, okay? Gattison, who deeply regrets not applying to be in CSOM... Read more

BC Unveils New Motto: “Men And Women For Others Who Are Straight And Have Two Working Legs”

Leahy Old Articles March 16, 2016

“BC is a university built on tradition, and that means we must resist all pressures to change with the times.”

Noble Students Embarking On Personal Service Trips Over Spring Break

Old Articles Service March 4, 2016

LOGAN AIRPORT — With adulthood looming just around the corner, many of Boston College’s seniors plan to spend their Spring Breaks on “personal service trips” to Punta Cana. Sources confirm that seniors embark on these weeklong trips as a last-ditch effort to adhere to the traditional college experience. These... Read more

Juniors Desperately Praying To Live In Cramped Shithole

Old Articles Student Life February 29, 2016

“I want to do terrible things inside that tiny domicile that I will not be able to get away with in the real world, when my JP Morgan internship inevitably turns into a full-time offer!”