Freshman Gets Stuck in Labyrinth Behind Bapst
LINDEN LANE — Wandering through campus on a hot afternoon late last week, adventurous freshman Bobby McGallian (CSOM ‘20) found himself lost in the Memorial Labyrinth behind Bapst Library. Overwhelmed by the first week of college and the demands of his core classes, McGallian was looking to blow off steam by quieting his mind by walking along the labyrinth, an activity his Courage To Know professor recommended.
“When I stepped onto the labyrinth, I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, ya know? It just looked so cool from those drone videos—I had to give it a shot. So I was walking along, right? And then I slowly realized, Shit! I am horrible with mazes. How the heck am I supposed to get out of this thing? I tried really hard or whatever to get out of the labyrinth on my own, I swear. I even used Google Maps to see the most efficient route. I considered calling an Uber, but I had to draw the line somewhere. It was miserable. I felt so helpless.”
After 3 hours of twisting, turning, Pokemon catching, and gentle weeping, McGallian was heroically rescued by a stray cat that guided him out of the labyrinth towards “sweet liberation.” “Never again will I return to that labyrinth. It’s dangerous. What if I was stuck in it for even longer? I only had a CLIF bar and a half empty bottle of water. I could have died!”
At press time, McGallian had reportedly switched de-stressing tactics and can now be found smoking weed behind Shaw House.