Article Broken: A Work Order Has Been Requested
SpookyStudent Life October 11, 2018
Oh no! You broke this article, you big dumb idiot! We’ll fix this problem up in 3-5 business days. For now, head on over to dazquest.com and play your pretty little heart out, you destructive monster. Read more
Holy Shit, This Guy Is SO Sweaty
Student Life October 10, 2018
STOKES QUAD — On Monday, witnesses reported that Tom Reilly (CSOM ‘21) was “impossibly sweaty.” Temperatures had been approaching the high 80s, but many students were shocked that any one man could be capable of such voracious perspiration, according to sources. Nearby students noted that Reilly was wearing khaki... Read more
Student In Write-Up Meeting Says “I like beer”
Big IssuesStudent Life October 4, 2018
WALSH HALL — During his write-up meeting with Walsh Resident Director Diana Steinfein, pre-law student Brad Chadanaugh (MCAS ‘21) reportedly responded to a question about his drinking habits by saying that he “drank beer with his friends, liked beer, and still likes beer.” Steinfein says she discusses drinking habits... Read more
NEWTON CAMPUS — After hanging out with his roommate throughout every Welcome Week activity, Steven Palmer (MCAS ‘22) has reportedly become worried that their relationship is more mutually-beneficial than he originally imagined. “We just clicked at first, you know? We talked about our lives before BC, and found out... Read more
In an effort to recognize the different socio-economic realities of its alumni, Boston College is launching a new program that will allow the University to collect donations in the form of credit, check, or blood. The initiative was introduced on Tuesday as part of the “Greater Heights” fundraising campaign... Read more
Study Finds That 100% Of CoRo Residents Can “Sleep On My Couch Any Time”
Student Life October 1, 2018
WALSH HALL — Late Saturday night, Chris Naughton (CSOM ’21), of Walsh 705, learned that one of his close acquaintances and frequenters of his “lit” Walsh pre-games was a resident of Roncalli Hall on College Road. Upon discovering this, Naughton expressed his pity and told Mike DiGiacomo (MCAS ’21)... Read more
REPORT: Mom Just Didn’t Think You Were The “Weed-Smoking” Type
FreshmenStudent Life September 29, 2018
CHEVERUS HALL — Following an investigation of your underwear drawer and a tight-lipped discussion with Dad, a report published on Friday indicates that Mom just didn’t think you were the “weed-smoking type.” While settling in for their Parents’ Weekend visit, Mom reportedly opened your bureau to make sure you’d... Read more
ALUMNI STADIUM — With the Temple Owls in town to take on the 3–1 Eagles this weekend, head football coach Steve Addazio has reportedly reminded his team multiple times this week to “not embarrass him in front of his ex.” His ex, of course, refers to the Temple football... Read more
Student Reminds Friends Not To Swear This Weekend
Student Life September 28, 2018
WALSH HALL — Local student Brad Jones (MCAS ‘21) issued a general warning to his roommates today: don’t swear in front of his mom and dad, or else they’ll yell at him later. This announcement comes after last Wednesday’s revelation that the Jones family would be taking the entire... Read more
REPORT: Biology Majors Really Just Want The Carbon Cycle To Reclaim Them At This Point
Student Life September 27, 2018
HIGGINS HALL — A group of biology majors were recently found lying face down in the lawn surrounding the Saint Ignatius statue. Seen screaming into the grass awaiting the sweet release of death, the students had reportedly just taken their first organic chemistry exam. Similar to decomposing leaves in... Read more