Student “Swamped With Work” Free Enough To Spend Entire Weekend Drunk
STAYER HALL — Matt Harper (CSOM ’20), who recently has been seen on numerous occasions complaining to various friends and acquaintances that he is “absolutely swamped with work this week,” was reportedly free enough to spend the entirety of this past weekend drunk.
“Dude, I just have, like, so much work to do this week,” Harper told The Classic in an email sent mid-Friday morning, despite not being reached out to for comment. “Two exams, two papers, and a quiz? I mean, I’m just drowning.”
Despite his claims of being “totally slammed with work,” inside sources reported that Harper spent all of this past weekend drunk, choosing to dedicate no time at all to his academics and instead deciding to down himself with watermelon Rubinoff and autumnal Harpoon IPAs.
“Matt mentioned to me at least, like, four times in the span of two hours that he was ‘just so crazy busy this week’” said Brittany Ellinger (MCAS ’20), who attended a Friday night pregame with Harper. “I mean, if he was so concerned with his workload for this upcoming week, I really don’t understand why he didn’t just take the weekend off and spend a few extra hours in O’Neill.”
Harper was quick to justify his reasoning when pressed on the matter: “I wasn’t going to miss MA’s on Friday, because my roommates and I were celebrating Trevor’s third month of being 21,” he said. “And a kid in my 4Boston group had a darty Saturday afternoon, so of course I had to make an appearance, and my friend Maddie’s cousin was having something in her Mod later that night, and that sounded like a good time I didn’t want to pass up,” he continued. “And then on Sunday, I had a four-team parlay going and the Pats were playing, so I had to drink for that.”
At press time, Harper was seen taking a four-hour nap and watching an entire season of Game of Thrones on HBO Go, despite having an exam and two papers due the next day.