FENWAY PARK — Stating that they always knew this was a possibility, sources within BC Athletics report that head coach Steve Addazio is expected to miss this weekend’s football game against UConn due to his immense phobia of the “Green Monster.” While ardent Boston sports fans may know that the Green... Read more
Freshman Can’t Sleep With The Thought Of 48Hours Roommate Being With Someone Else
Freshmen November 16, 2017
CHEVERUS HALL — In the weeks following his 48Hours retreat to Plymouth, Massachusetts, freshman Derek Smalls (CSOM ‘21) has developed severe insomnia. Sources close to Smalls report that his inability to sleep is due to the fact that he misses the warmth of his 48Hours bedmate’s body next to... Read more
Anxious Junior Worried She Might Step Outside Comfort Zone Abroad
AbroadStudent Life November 15, 2017
FOSTER STREET — Rachel Weber (MCAS ’19) has been planning her spring semester in Parma, Italy for months now. However, as she begins to think about what her time abroad will bring, the nerves are starting to set in. “I know it will be okay,” explained Weber, who will... Read more
Students Complain College Curriculum Getting In The Way Of Sleepaway Camp
FreshmenStudent Life November 14, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — The Office of Student Services has reported a major increase in the volume of complaints in the past 14 days. Calls and emails have been pouring in from distraught students from Walsh to Newton Campus complaining that the school work being assigned to them is interfering with... Read more
Tough Guy Still Wearing Shorts
BostonStudent Life November 13, 2017
WALSH HALL — After a grueling process of deliberation, the coveted honor of “Toughest Guy on Campus” was unanimously awarded to local student Hunter McGlintey (CSOM ‘20), who has continued to wear shorts into the frigid 40 degree temperatures of recent weeks. In a recent interview outside of his... Read more
Sophomore Accidentally Launches Nuclear Strike On Russia With UIS
Big IssuesStudent Life November 10, 2017
NATO HQ, BRUSSELS — Innocently attempting to sign up for next semester’s classes on UIS early Friday morning, sophomore Harry Wood managed to quite literally set the world aflame when he accidentally launched 24 Trident Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles towards targets in Russia from a US Navy Ohio-class submarine stationed... Read more
“I’m Fine,” Reports Becky’s Instagram
FreshmenStudent Life November 9, 2017
LOYOLA HALL — Stating that everything seemed normal, local Boston College freshmen confirmed that Becky’s Instagram makes it seem like she’s doing okay during her first year of college. This confirmation comes after last month’s feigned concern from third-floor residents of Loyola that something might have affected Becky’s psychological... Read more
Peer Reviewer’s Essay Fucking Sucks
School November 8, 2017
STOKES NORTH — First Year Writing Seminar is a special part of every Eagle’s freshman year at BC. Around midterm season, things started to get intense for local freshman, Barry Portabella (MCAS ‘21), whose assigned peer reviewer for his rhetoric essay apparently “fucking sucks” at writing. Portabella has been... Read more
54 years ago this month, the course of world history was changed forever when President John F. Kennedy was cut down by an assassin’s bullet in Dallas, Texas. While more than half a century has passed since that tragic November morning, the memory of the charming, charismatic president lives... Read more
Tragic: Student Finished With Midterms Has Nothing Left To Rant About
SchoolStudent Life November 6, 2017
MAIN CAMPUS — After two weeks of pure exam-fueled hell, Arnold Wilson (MCAS ‘20) has declared he has nothing left to complain about. The announcement follows his completion of the Principles of Microeconomics midterm exam, the last in a string of horrific assessments. Friends of Wilson have made their... Read more