STOKES LAWN — A discovery by the NEC Sandwichlight team has uncovered multiple damning reports alleging that hundreds of Boston College students have suspicious smudges of dirt on their foreheads. Reports began piling up early this morning and have not died down all day. Junior Katy Chisim told The... Read more
Roommate Thinks She Can Just Come Into The Room Whenever She Wants
Dorm StuffStudent Life February 25, 2020
“Like, this isn’t a fuckin’ corner store,” Purcell said. “You can’t just be walking in here anytime you want, day and night. People live here. I need privacy.”
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O’Neill Answer Wall Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s
Campus CultureSchoolWTF February 24, 2020
ST. ELIZABETH’S HOSPITAL — Following months of intensive consultations, representatives of the Thomas P. O’Neill estate announced on Monday that the famed O’Neill Library Answer Wall, which has been candidly answering anonymous questions since 2017, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. “We were deeply saddened when we received the... Read more
Falling Hydro Flask Most Outspoken Member Of Lecture
SchoolStudent Life February 20, 2020
MCGUINN HALL — In Tuesday’s Globalization II lecture, a 32-oz Hydro Flask officially became the class’s most outspoken participant when it toppled off a desk and hit the ground with a “CLANK!” that echoed throughout the room. The Hydro Flask, belonging to Linda Pound (MCAS ’21), reportedly was the... Read more
The Rat Announces Popcorn-Chicken-Flavored Coffee
Big IssuesStudent Life February 19, 2020
LYONS HALL — Boston College Dining announced Wednesday that the Welch Dining Room, known colloquially by students as “The Rat (Rathskeller)” will begin serving New England Coffee’s new popcorn chicken blend this March. A recent Qualtrics study in the Boston College Class of 2021 Facebook group revealed that the... Read more
Campus Ninth Men Unionize To Avoid Living On CoRo
Dorm StuffFreshmenResLife February 18, 2020
STUART HALL — In a press conference Tuesday morning, “ninth men” across campus announced that they have officially formed a union. The leader of the new union, Sarah Shaughnessy (MCAS ’21), spoke to reporters at the event. “For too long, the folks in the ninth spot in a room... Read more
February 14th, what a magical night. I bet you had a ton of fun having sex, huh? Bet you really enjoyed yourself. Think it’s so fun to disrespect the Lord? Yeah? Well guess what folks! Fuck time is OVER! That’s right, it’s time to hold hands and share one... Read more
Campus Pizzas Rushing To Find Valentine’s Day Presents For Sophomore Girlfriends
Campus CultureStudent Life February 13, 2020
CLEVELAND CIRCLE — Valentine’s Day has once again snuck up on Boston College boyfriends. The last-minute dash for the perfect gift has flooded the aisles of CVS and the Hillside bookstore with freshmen, seniors, and pizzas. Alyssa Ashbury (LSEHD ’22) told the Classic she usually spends the holiday alone... Read more
Future Doctor Has No Qualms About Peeing On Toilet Seat
Dorm StuffSchool February 12, 2020
RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he... Read more
The NEC Endorses Mayors Quimby, West For UGBC President And VP
Big IssuesOpinionStudent Life February 11, 2020
Media outlets have a civic responsibility to conform their readers’ minds to their own way of thinking, and this is especially true in elections. With this in mind, The New England Classic endorses Mayor Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell The Edge Quimby (CSOM ’22) and Mayor Adam West (MCAS... Read more