University Welcomes “Most Diverse Class Ever” With White Guy From New Jersey
BILL LEAHY’S ZOOM MEETING ROOM — On Thursday evening, Boston College welcomed New Jersey native and popular white person Bruce Springsteen to deliver the university’s first-year convocation address. The man, whom The Classic has learned is known for his songwriting, was first announced as this year’s convocation speaker in March of 2020, before the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the ensuing months, the address and subsequent performance were moved to a remote Zoom format, much to the chagrin of the class of 2024.
“Look, his mumbling is bad enough as it is,” noted Rosalita Clemens (MCAS ‘24). “But on a Zoom call, with all of CLXF trying to blast “Born In The USA” at the same time, the poor dude didn’t have a chance.”
The class of 2024 is reportedly the most diverse in Boston College’s history, with AHANA (African, Hispanic, Asian and Native American) students making up a record-setting 36.5% of the class. Mr. Springsteen, a native of Freehold, New Jersey, will speak to the class about the adversity he has overcome as one of history’s most famous, most popular, most beloved, and wealthiest performers. With more than 20 studio albums, an original Broadway show, incalculable television appearances, and unparalleled international acumen, Springsteen is expected to bring with him a wealth of knowledge for hopeful young professionals in the 21st century.
Many students expressed gratitude toward university officials for listening to their calls for this year’s convocation speaker to represent a largely disenfranchised group on campus.
“I remember how tough it was for me as a freshman, feeling like such an outsider,” said Bobby Jean Hometown-Run (CSOM ‘21) of Colts Neck, New Jersey. “Being from a small town in North Jersey, I didn’t really feel like I belonged. Fortunately, I was able to find my people after joining the club club lacrosse team, but that first half of September was not something I look back on fondly. I’m just so glad the university is taking a big step towards ensuring inclusivity on campus from the very start.”
At press time, students from Long Island were seen petitioning for Billy Joel to welcome the class of 2025.