REPORT: Mom Just Didn’t Think You Were The “Weed-Smoking” Type
CHEVERUS HALL — Following an investigation of your underwear drawer and a tight-lipped discussion with Dad, a report published on Friday indicates that Mom just didn’t think you were the “weed-smoking type.”
While settling in for their Parents’ Weekend visit, Mom reportedly opened your bureau to make sure you’d been washing your socks, and discovered your empty pickle jar of Mango Sunset, cannabis sativa.
“Well, I mean, I knew you drank beer,” said Mom. “We were even thinking we might bring you a few Heinekens, you know, for you and your little friends. But smoking pot? Gosh, that’s just so…I don’t know, urban, I guess.”
According to sources present at the scene, Mom said that she “never raised you to like all that stuff,” and explained that smoking marijuana “can really mess you up, I hear, in the long-run. Something about your melanin, I think. Or was it your benadryl?”
At press time, Dad was seen wondering how to ask you who your guy is.