Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big
FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of various fraternity houses and following crowds of girls in color-coordinated dresses in an attempt to gain access to one of TCU’s top sororities.
“Everyone I know from high school is always talking about how much they love their big,” said Brambleberry. “Like, yeah, I liked BC well enough, but from what I can tell from following @TotalSororityMove on Instagram, there’s no love quite like the love between a big and her little. I knew I wanted to be a part of that.”
After spending her first nine months of college convincing herself that Boston College’s lack of Greek life was a good thing, citing the “sense of community” and “inclusive culture” fostered by BC’s Jesuit ideals, Brambleberry was finally forced to admit to herself that she didn’t want to be a woman for others; all she wanted was to be a little to a big. Knowing that she could not find the big she felt she was destined to have at BC, Brambleberry booked the next flight to Dallas/Fort Worth and hasn’t looked back since.
“I’m so excited to meet my biggie. I’m not technically enrolled at TCU yet, so I can’t actually rush or anything, but I’m sure someone will want me to be their little,” reported Brambleberry after a few days of squatting on the campus’s Greek Row. “I’m just going to keep asking sophomore girls as they walk by, ‘Are you my biggie? Hello, I’d like to be your little! Please love me!’” Although she has yet to find someone willing to be forced to be her best friend, Brambleberry is confident that soon that special someone will come along.
“When I picture her, she’s sooooo pretty. And nice. And she loves me. She’ll probably post, like, six pictures of us per month, at the least,” said Brambleberry. “I will, too, obviously. I have a note in my phone with, like, 20 captions ready to go.”
At press time, Brambleberry had increased her efforts in her search for the perfect big, printing “WANTED: BIGGIE” flyers and posting them around campus, as well as taking out advertisements on Craigslist, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and the TCU Daily Skiff.