I Promise, It’s SO Fun! Trying To Explain The Newton Woods To Your Friend Who Goes To UTampa
FeaturedNewtonStudent Life October 16, 2024
Tuah ambushed Dofonder with stories of pool parties, “wild nights” at SAE, and pictures of the Malibu bottles adorning her dorm room window. When asked about the going out scene at BC, Dofonder was dumbfounded.
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Every Gated Community In NY Represented In “Diverse” Class Discussion
Big IssuesCampus CultureSchool October 10, 2024
“What makes us different is what makes us special,” said Shell Turd (CSOM ’28). “I’ve met people from all over the place. I’ve met kids from Oakwood Heights, Pinebridge Estates, Elmton Ranch, and even Maplesden Village all the way out in Westchester!”
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Overzealous RA Confiscates Resident’s Alcohol Functional Group
Dorm StuffDrinkingResLife October 8, 2024
“Hugh is brazen and obviously wreckless,” said Ranie. “He didn’t even care enough to try and hide the alcohol.”
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Uh Oh! The Professor Whose Class You’re Failing Sat Next to You in the Sauna!
Big IssuesWTF October 7, 2024
“But then–lurking from the shadows, my financial accounting professor [Bill Incesheet (CSOM ‘88)] situated his half-naked ass next to me, fresh off a cold call in class, to which I responded with a stuttered mumble and some lightly shat pants.”
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Freshman Submits First Paper In Comic Sans, Claiming It Adds Character
Big IssuesFreshmenWTF October 2, 2024
“Each font has a different story, and that’s, like, so cool. I just love the visual artistry of it all,” said Turner, who left her entire paper formatted in a single paragraph.
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LTE: Service Club Rejected Me, Now I’m Never Helping Anyone
Campus CultureLTEService October 1, 2024
I, a self-proclaimed servant for others, feel the time has come to address the service COC (crisis on campus). I have recently received word from various on-campus service organizations that my applications have been “enthusiastically yet apologetically redirected,” AKA — rejected.
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RD Strip Poker: What Your RA Really Does With Your “Paraphernalia” Folding Table
Dorm StuffResLife September 30, 2024
RAs gather from across campus, arriving at Bapst 15 minutes before close and leaving in only gray Freshman ResHall shirts—courtesy of Strzepoker after the RAs had lost their clothes, dignity, and dining dollars.
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Espresso Your Faith Week: Dunkin Sponsors Baptisms On The Quad
JesuitsStudent Life September 27, 2024
Crowds congregated on the Gasson Quad as students lined up to get into a coffee cup-shaped dunk-tank, where members of Campus Ministry dropped them into a pool of Dunkin cold brew.
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LTE: My Parents Don’t Know How To Socialize Either
BOBDrinkingStudent Life September 26, 2024
My mom keeps refusing to eat Greg’s dad’s food because she feels bad, but she’s actually just making it awkward as fuck. As I watch my parents, I ask myself, why must I feel ashamed of my parents’ uncanny dispositions?
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RUH ROH! Underclassmen Chased Out Of Circle By Paw Patrol.
DrinkingStudent Life September 25, 2024
Using the power of teamwork and friendship, the Paw Patrol handled the situation with ease. Chase, the police dog, went in first to round up and chase out the underclassmen.
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