RD Strip Poker: What Your RA Really Does With Your “Paraphernalia” Folding Table
Dorm StuffResLife September 30, 2024 The New England Classic
BAPST, AFTER HOURS — According to BC’s Code of Student Conduct Violation 8.1 Alcohol Policy, folding tables alone are considered “paraphernalia.” But why?
It all leads back to one King Pawn, Resident Director Bitchell Strzepoker (CSTM ’27). Strzepoker has been collecting tables for his underground Residential Life Strip Poker night all year. The Strip Poker night is held in Bapst Library after hours, as Strzepoker gives librarian Sai Lance 10% of his profits.
RAs gather from across campus, arriving at Bapst 15 minutes before close and leaving in only gray Freshman ResHall shirts—courtesy of Strzepoker after the RAs had lost their clothes, dignity, and dining dollars.
Just this week, RA Patty Poopah (MCAS ’25) acquired a tenth folding table, hand-decorated with the Pink Whitney logo and “Saturdays are for the Girls” written in pink bubble letters.
“There wasn’t even alcohol on the table… Welll, a little bit of Brad’s Michelob Ultra when he threw it across our eight-man after he lost to me and Britney in pong,” said Jenna Jager (LSEHD ’27), whose table was confiscated last week.
Known as Strzepoker’s “Twin Bitch,” Fanny Nufun (CSOM ’25) has also been a leader in ceasing tables this semester. Last week, despite the absence of alcohol, Fanny collected a folding table from Vanderslice 699, as she “doesn’t stand with what the tables are associated with.”
As part of the Living Learning Community, the residents of Vandy 699 were allegedly having a healthy dinner of Frank’s Vegetarian Dumpling Bowls. Inna Sent (CSON ’27), who was at the dinner, was shocked at the disturbance.
“I’ve only seen Fanny at our monthly ResHall nights. She’s never been in our room, but she just whipped the tablecloth off of the table, folded it up, and ran…gyoza went flying everywhere!” said Sent.
While all the Classic’s ResLife interviewees maintained poker faces when asked for more poker night details, one RA said that Strzepoker is managing a very successful business via Depop. His sales have been rising exponentially since he began selling “vintage” paraphernalia, including hand-decorated folding tables and Aritzia Superpuffs, acquired from RA Strip Poker.
At press time, the Classic congratulated Bitchell on his 2150th sale! Find him on Depop: “ditchthebitch”!
