The New England Classic
Pro-Life Club Sponsors Baby Petting Zoo

“The Pro-Life Club recently made waves within the BC community after the unveiling of their newest social event: the Baby Petting Zoo, featuring actual human infants ranging in age from 4 months, all the way up to 3 years old.”

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10 Tariffs To Be Enacted Over The Next Month

The New England Classic gained special access to a look at 10 of the most extreme tariffs to be enacted over the next month.

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Phew! Pre-Med Man Has Some Advice For Your Period Cramps!

Plainer shared her appreciation: “I never would’ve thought to take Advil for my period. Thank goodness there was a future doctor.”

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Male Feminist Really Wants To Fu-Focus On BC WLAX

Within this crowd of students who are making a full switch from supporting hockey to lacrosse, is one lonely guy who really just wants to fuck: Matt Riarchy (CSOM ‘26).

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Circle Tavern Installs Bright Lights, Hockey Team Fails to Show Up

“Ah, y’know, umm, when we were performing in that forgiving, low-stakes environment, y’know it’s just an all-out assault on the [bar-]tendy, throwing a lot of [Jägermeister] shots back,” said another player who could never finish his shots. “But now that they installed the bright lights, that high-pressure environment just became too much for us.”

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“I Thought The Business School Was Male-Dominated,” Says Class Of 2029 Freshman Enrolled In CSON

“Just then, he realized his grave mistake. He had applied and been accepted into CSON — The Connell School of Nursing, not CSOM — The Carroll School of Management. “

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UGBC President Signs 17 Executive Orders On First Day of Administration

In line with global political trends, the administration plans to implement projects that, in the words of one genius commentator, “make shit fucking suck even more than it already does”

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Guy Spent 5 Hours On Bracket But 20 Minutes on Group Project

His slides consisted of him ranking freshmen in Gonzaga and Xavier by height because he thought they were playing in the tournament.

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LTE: I’m The Fountain Outside Of Gasson Hall, And I Gave Up Water For Lent

“I am a fountain that doesn’t even have fucking water in it. It was a stupid thing to give up water for Lent. I only did it because Fr. Leahy told me that if I wanted to stay on this Jesuit campus I had to engage with my faith more.”

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Day In The Life Of A UGBC VP Candidate

I start every morning with affirmations, not for myself, but for the entirety of Foster Street. I shout “You are brave, you are kind, and you are smart” from my rooftop

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