The New England Classic
Fuck! Student Who Never Does The Readings Just Made A Better Point Than You

“Coe Stir (MCAS ’25) somehow delivered a profound and easily understandable analysis of Hobbesian political theory, despite clearly having no idea what was going on.”

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Girl Is Pregnant, According To Spanish Class Oral Exam

Barazado was seen with a dewy, jovial glow about her as she left Stokes Hall, a clear sign of pregnancy and definitely not the Drunk Elephant bronzing drops she steals from her roommate sometimes when she feels pale. 

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Classics Department Thrilled For Battle Against Spartans
STOKES AMPHITHEATER, A NEW ACROPOLIS  — With BC football preparing for an epic game against the Michigan State Spartans, the students and professors of the Classical Studies Department have begun preparations of their own. “Those who hail from Sparta are brutal, warlike people,” said Professor Per C. Jakksun. “We... Read more
Classmate With Red Bandana On Backpack Wouldn’t Even Hold The Door For You

“Most of those who tie a bandana to their backpack honor Welles’ heroic legacy. However, some students who do it can’t remember their last act of service for anybody other than themselves.”

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Cool Girl Alert: This Student Has Friends AND “Guy Friends”

“Mii says her favorite thing about her guy friends is when they get extremely drunk at social functions and finally ask her questions about her life, like what major she is.”

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BC Ranked 189th In Free Speech: 10 Things You Can Now Say

BC is a free speech friendly campus! Boston College was recently ranked 189th out of 257 colleges and universities for free speech on campus. BC is proud to be ranked above universities such as Gulag State and Censorship Polytechnic.

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Gassy Gasson Renovations, Bells Ring When Someone Passes Gas

Originally set for every quarter of the hour, the bells now ring every time someone passes gas. Even worse, an announcement echoes throughout the halls, sharing the name of who dealt it with the entire campus.

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#BOB ERA: Young Women Have Never Been Closer To Their Fathers

“‘My dad, like, literally never responded to a single one of my texts when I was auditioning for a capella, then BOOM! BC upsets FSU and he’s calling me daily'”

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Impossible! Guy With 1000 LinkedIn Connections Has No Emotional Support Network

Since orientation, Enn has been harassing drunk CSOM students at Walsh parties, any man wearing an expensive toupee, and his acquaintance’s friend’s brother’s dog’s cat’s mailman’s dentist’s 3rd cousins (twice removed) in a near lustful urge to obtain a LinkedIn connection.

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“Party In The modes!” Says Eager Calculator Stuck In Radian Mode

Popular Boston College meme, “Party in the modes,” was shared over 1,000 times that day, but no one was as excited to party in the modes as Cal Culator (MCAS 2025).

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