The New England Classic
Pick Me Guy Walks Into Friendsgiving, Says “Where My Thanks At”

The latest showing of Latz’s pick me tendencies came Saturday night when he showed up five minutes late to his upstairs neighbors’ Friendsgiving dinner and began asking every person at the function, “Where my thanks at?”

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If Only There Were An Online Platform Where I Could Attend Class While Sick

“Now that you are taking this class, the professors OWNS your ass. If they tell you to be in class, you need to be present or deal with the consequences.”

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Receipt Reveals That Student Actually Did Order A Side Of Bug
MCELROY COMMONS — Public scrutiny of Boston College Dining Services (BCDS) is higher than ever after student Damie J’Ambra (MCAS ’25) found a giant black bug in their meal. After a photo of the bug was published and quickly became viral on Monday, many students were questioning what BCDS... Read more
SPOOKY: Blandest Person You Know Going As Maddy From Euphoria For Halloween

One young avant-garde, Mary Muhndane (MCAS ’25), was blessed with a stroke of genius with the most original idea to go as Maddy from the little-watched trauma porn, I mean show, Euphoria, on HBO.

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“I Have No Idea Why Everyone Is Sick” Says Classmate Who Just Spat In Your Mouth

Guy Grossie (CSOM ’23) can’t seem to wrap his head around how illness spreads, or his coloring homework. Grossie, of course, has also fallen victim to the “throat tickle.” He describes the ordeal as “not too bad,” describing it as “a sore throat for only a couple months, debilitating fatigue, and a gnarly cough.”

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Passive Aggressive Roommate Posts All Her BeReals While Cleaning

Nadia Mohm (Lynch ‘23), fed up with the five other slobs she cohabitates with, has enacted the strategy of exclusively posting pictures of her cleaning up after them around the apartment.

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Addies-Adjacent Dining Location “Subtracties” To Open On Campus

This past weekend, Addies was humbled as a new dining location “Subtracties” opened up straight across the Lower plaza.

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5 Rights You Need To Know Before Appearing In Homecoming Court

Before appearing in homecoming court on Friday, be sure to remember these FIVE Constitutionally-protected legal rights. Don’t let your freedom be compromised!

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Squash Team Eagerly Awaits Selection At Fall Harvest

For the past ten years, BC squashes have consistently been rated #1 in plumpness, #3 in unwarranted big ego, and #867 in general wanker-ness by the New England Parental Organization of Talented International Squash Mothers (N.E.P.O.T.I.S.M.).

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Local Inventor Excited About Patents Weekend

“I could’ve sworn I heard it was Patents Weekend. I thought it would be a good networking opportunity to put my name on a larger, global map,” Gadget confessed. “Now I have all of my thingamabobs and whos-its with me for nothing.”

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