Perfectly Healthy Freshman Male Sure Is Going Through A Lot Of Tissues
SexStudent Life April 18, 2019
MEDEIROS HALL C39 — On Wednesday, Richard Holder (MCAS ’22) noticed that his roommate Jack Offner (CSOM ’22) had an abundance of used tissues in the wastebasket beside his bed. Despite the large number of tissues, Offner seems completely free of cold or flu symptoms. “Maybe he’s just crying... Read more
STAYER HALL — Junior Joanna Yost returned to Boston College last Sunday after a relaxing weekend at home, and found herself in the middle of judgmental and passive-aggressive comments from her peers. They were reportedly “dumbfounded” when she revealed that she had spent her time home unwinding and decompressing... Read more
CARNEY BASEMENT — A clandestine chicken-fighting operation in Carney 003 has become the latest Newton business to accept Eagle Bucks, allowing students to easily bet vending machine money on the vicious bloodsport. Designating university-backed currency as legal tender at illegal animal-fighting rings has been questioned by many at... Read more
Sadistic Fuck Working Out Without Headphones
Student Life March 20, 2019
WILLIAM J. FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — On Wednesday, Warren Fuggit (CSOM ‘20) was seen working out without wearing headphones, much to the horror of the entire student body. His roommates were reportedly “appalled” after witnessing Fuggit leave their 8-man without wearing any form of portable electroacoustic transducer. “I can’t... Read more
“It was, like, so dark in there. I accidentally mixed my vodka with milk.”
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Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days
DrinkingServiceStudent Life March 10, 2019
RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino. Though he “straight up... Read more
Students Gear Up To Do Exact Same Thing With Exact Same People In Different Country
HolidaysStudent Life February 28, 2019
NOT BOSTON COLLEGE — While hustling and bustling around campus and cramming in last-minute studying for midterms, hundreds of Boston College students collectively expressed their excitement to spend their impending spring break doing the exact same things with the exact same people, but in a different country. Students have... Read more
Pre-Med Student Password Protects Her Quizlets
SchoolStudent Life February 21, 2019
O’NEILL LIBRARY — This past Friday, freshman pre-med student Jessica Connors announced her recent decision to put passwords on her quizlets. Connors was most recently seen taking up an entire table with her books and her molecular modeling kit in preparation for her upcoming chemistry exam. Connors, who reportedly... Read more
REPORT: Fun Roommate Not In Room
Dorm StuffStudent Life February 20, 2019
LOWER CAMPUS — Walsh Hall resident William Welch (MCAS ’21) fell victim to the old switcheroo on Wednesday when he entered his common room to find that his fun roommate was not in the room. “Oh man, I thought Adam would be in here,” Welch said. “I sorta wish... Read more
OP-ED: Whoever Read My OIP Application, I Hope You Study Abroad In Hell
AbroadStudent Life February 19, 2019
“I wish you the best of luck, as you painstakingly request a copy of your transcript and forward it to Midas, the foul judiciary of Pluto’s wicked court.”
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