The New England Classic
Boston College EMS To Cease Kidney Theft Amid Public Outcry
CHESTNUT HILL, MA — Stating that the gruesome habit no longer reflects what the organization stands for, Boston College Emergency Medical Services (BC EMS) reported Monday morning that it will cease stealing the kidneys of inebriated students. While it intends to continue providing hospital transportation and other services for the... Read more
Mac Expands Vegetarian Options To More Than Just One Leaf
MCELROY COMMONS —  Mike at Mac™ announced Thursday that Carney’s Dining Room, located in McElroy Commons, would be expanding dining options for vegetarian students beyond a single spinach leaf. For decades, Mac has served Boston College students an array of different meal options from Crossroads to Innovations, as long... Read more
Sophomore Wonders: ‘How Loud Do I Need To Sigh In O’Neill For People To Know I’m Pre-Med?’
O’NEILL LIBRARY — After a particularly exhausting day of classes and labs (which are like classes but longer and even more difficult), pre-med student Charlotte Richards (MCAS ’20) retired to the fourth floor of O’Neill hoping for nothing but a little sympathy. Though everyone in her vicinity seemed to be... Read more
Student That Took Perspectives, Went On Appa, Arrupe, And Kairos, Then Studied Abroad Has Changed So Much They Exist In The Fourth Dimension Without A Physical Form
IGNACIO HALL — As students across campus are returning from their spring break service trips and preparing to re-enter the daily grind of college life, one senior is notably missing from his dorm. Jesús Christopher (MCAS ’18) was supposed to have returned Saturday from a trip to Whitesburgh, West... Read more
Student ‘Really Needed’ This Snow Day After Taxing 24 Hours Back on Campus
SNOW CITY, USA — Becca Anders (MCAS ’20) was relieved to receive word late Monday night that Boston College would be closed on Tuesday, March 13th due to inclement weather. “I really needed this snow day,” Anders said to no one in particular. “I’ve been so stressed lately, and... Read more
Uh Oh! The New Student Rec Center Is Just A Copy Of Walsh
LOWER CAMPUS — With less than a year and a half until Boston College is slated to open its new student recreation center to replace the Flynn Recreation Complex, frantic internal university memos show that a blueprint mix-up has accidentally resulted in the construction of an exact replica of... Read more
Girlfriend Says “We Need To Be Men And Women For Seeing Other People”

“I can’t believe she just decided to set our relationship aflame like that.”

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Comedic Genius Leaves Witty Comment In Class Facebook Group
THE INTERNET — Eric Garnett (CSOM ‘20) was on a comedic tear in the Class of 2020 Facebook group last week after stumbling across multiple posts from people he knew. “If I see one of my friends post in the group, I automatically have to comment something funny and... Read more
Banana In Backpack Just Happy To Tag Along For The Ride
O’NEILL LIBRARY – After opening her backpack to get a textbook, Sally Yekaterinburg (MCAS ‘19) caught a glimpse of the banana she had packed that morning. “I try to bring a little something healthy to snack on between classes, but I’m not really feeling it right now,” reported Yekaterinburg... Read more
Freshman Lists Organ For Sale In Class Facebook Group
KOSTKA HALL — Late Sunday evening, Boston College freshman Gail Blatter took to the Official Boston College Class of 2021 Facebook group to list one of her kidneys for sale. The post read, “Selling one of my kidneys! Near perfect condition, almost like new. Willing to negotiate price. Message me... Read more