Fucking Idiot In Mailroom Doesn’t Know Shelf Number
WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number.
Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass.
“Uh, I have a package?” Mortimer said when he reached the front of the line. “Mortimer?”
“There’s literally only two things you need to know to pick up a package,” said student employee Laura Lorenson (MCAS ‘21). “Your last name, and your fucking shelf number. At least he didn’t forget his own name — he stuttered a little, though.”
Students standing in line to pick up care packages, colored party lights, and bootleg versions of the Oxford Annotated Bible watched impatiently as Mortimer mistakenly read out his tracking number.
“Dude is holding up the line,” reported classmate Simon Said (CSOM ‘22). “The email literally says ‘Shelf: WA-whateverthefuck.’ How did he even get in here?”
At press time, Mortimer was seen resetting his Agora portal password in an attempt to see his mailbox code.