Perfectly Healthy Freshman Male Sure Is Going Through A Lot Of Tissues

MEDEIROS HALL C39 — On Wednesday, Richard Holder (MCAS ’22) noticed that his roommate Jack Offner (CSOM ’22) had an abundance of used tissues in the wastebasket beside his bed. Despite the large number of tissues, Offner seems completely free of cold or flu symptoms.

“Maybe he’s just crying a lot?” questioned Holder. “I mean his girlfriend did just break up with him last week. She’s probably been tugging at his heart strings lately.”

Heavy snowstorms and flu season hit Upper Campus hard this winter, bringing with it congested sinuses and an abundance of fluffy, white snow. Along with tissues piling up in garbages everywhere, old winter tube socks were thrown away due to over saturation of melted snow and salt.

Eye witness reports claimed that “white was everywhere.”

At press time, Boston College custodial staff was cleaning out the clogged drains in the communal showers.

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