Bean Counter Closes, “We’ve Counted All The Beans”
Student Life October 8, 2017
FULTON HALL — Boston College’s favorite on-campus coffee joint, the Bean Counter, closed Thursday after the final bean was counted. Manager Tara Macchiato reported that the final count came out to 14,574 total beans, which many agree is a sizable amount. “We’ve officially counted all the beans,” said Macchiato.... Read more
Help! My Conversation Partner Only Wants To Talk About How Much He Loves “The King Of Queens!”
Student Life October 5, 2017
“Most scenes take place in the Heffernans’ home, but other common locations include Doug and Carrie’s workplaces.” These were the first words I ever heard from Tim, and they changed my life forever. “Find your Conversation Partner!” they told us. How young we were then, how naive. Basking... Read more
Underground Frat Charged With Distribution To Miners
Student Life October 4, 2017
STRATHMORE ROAD — Boston College officials issued a citation to the campus’s notorious “underground” fraternity on Saturday following the shocking discovery that they had been providing alcohol to miners. According to an official statement from BCPD, officers became suspicious when they noticed a group of individuals dressed in salmon shorts walking... Read more
“Achoo!” Reports Entire Student Body
FeaturedStudent Life October 3, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — The first fall of crumpled tissues blankets the campus. Droplets of influenza and ragweed are a-floatin’ through the crisp winter air. It’s sneezy season here on the Heights and the noses be drippin’! “Sorry, I’ve had, like, a really bad cough lately,” your red-eyed, inexplicably leaking roommate... Read more
Ivy League Who? We Ranked The Top Colleges In America And Put BC First!
ListsStudent Life September 27, 2017
College ranking lists come out every fall, so it’s the perfect time to scroll through your Facebook and think “weird brag, dude” when some guy you went to high school with shares that his school is now “Ranked #35 in small-to-medium-sized sub-Saharan African zoology programs in the lower Midwest!”... Read more
Dog Walked On BC Campus Develops Quite The Ego
Student Life September 25, 2017
“It’s sad, really, that he’s letting it go to his head. Fame is a fickle friend indeed.”
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Off-Campus Basement Requires Alarmingly Few Changes To Become Murder Dungeon
Student Life September 24, 2017
FOSTER STREET — In the midst of a Saturday night shindig, party-goers at 269 Foster St. noted that the house’s poorly lit basement into which they had gathered required alarmingly few modifications to be turned into a subterranean dungeon in which to induce human suffering. Noting the cellar’s low ceilings, warped... Read more
UGBC Advances Legislation to Re-Name Stokes Bridge “The BC Taint”
Student Life September 21, 2017
GASSON 201 — In an unprecedented outpouring of student support, the UGBC general assembly reportedly passed a bill on Wednesday which would officially change the title of the bridge between Stokes North and South to “The BC Taint.” The Bridge, which had been advertised by the school as... Read more
Embarrassing: This Freshman Said “Have A Good Day Professor” To His Mom
FreshmenStudent Life September 20, 2017
CLAVER HALL — In a recent phone call home, freshman Dave McDoug (LSOE ‘21) reportedly bid farewell to his mother by saying “Have a good day, professor.” “God, I’m so embarrassed!” McDoug said in an interview. “I accidentally referred to the woman whose womb I once called home as... Read more
It’s Suit Time!
Student Life September 13, 2017
It is the time when all the suits come out to play! Hark, my children! Grab your neckties and button your cuffs, for it is suit time. Yessir, we’ve waited many a fortnight but it has finally come: the time when all the suits come out to frolic on... Read more