Tailgating Parents Totally Unaware That Lilly Is Blacked Out
MOD LOT — Staggering around her roommate’s friend’s tailgate, Lilly Carter (MCAS ’22) reported that game days were her favorite because “none of these parents can even tell I’m shithoused!”
An avid football fan, Carter woke up at 8:30 AM to start ripping shots of vodka and sipping spiked seltzers, all in the name of Boston College Eagles Football. Though Carter didn’t know the host Chris Carbone (MCAS ‘22) or his parents well, she made sure to waste no time introducing herself to their cooler of beer.
“I love meeting parents because, like, we’re all fucked up together,” said Carter. “The best part, though, is I’m not even, have I had too many drinks and, like, or too much to drink yet, you know?”
After saying this, Carter reportedly collided violently with the handsome spread of food set out by her aquantaince’s family.
“I just love these people, I didn’t ever had met them or like at all before today, but, they’re my new friends!” she said.
When asked for comment, Martin’s parents, Deborah and Mike ’89, seemed to express concern.
“I hope that Lilly girl isn’t too close with our Chris. I doubt she’ll even make it into the game staggering around tailgates like this. It’s 10:30 AM, for pete’s sake.”
At press time, Carter was not available for comment as she was too busy chanting “Roll Tide” and wandering aimlessly around Lower Campus.