The New England Classic
Freshman Gets Sinking Feeling He’s Only Friend Of Utility

Freshman Gets Sinking Feeling He’s Only Friend Of Utility

FreshmenStudent Life October 3, 2018 The New England Classic

NEWTON CAMPUS — After hanging out with his roommate throughout every Welcome Week activity, Steven Palmer (MCAS ‘22) has reportedly become worried that their... Freshman Gets Sinking Feeling He’s Only Friend Of Utility

NEWTON CAMPUS — After hanging out with his roommate throughout every Welcome Week activity, Steven Palmer (MCAS ‘22) has reportedly become worried that their relationship is more mutually-beneficial than he originally imagined.

“We just clicked at first, you know? We talked about our lives before BC, and found out we had a lot in common,” said Palmer, sitting alone in Stuart Dining Hall. “Before I knew it, though, he wasn’t coming back after his first day of classes finished. I thought we were going to hang out, talk about how our days went, maybe get a game of spike ball in if we were feeling really adventurous. I waited and waited, but once he got back from class, he just wanted to know what parties I was going to and whether I’d done the Perspectives reading.”

Steven’s roommate, Nick O’Machean, was reportedly surprised to hear about Steve’s confusion.

“He seems like a nice guy, I guess. I mean, we aren’t best friends or anything,” said O’Machean. “But hey, we’re roommates. Maybe we’ll watch a movie or grab lunch every once in a while. Plus, I have a fake, so as long as he’s got me covered on this Hellenism test, I’ll gladly pay him back in Bud Light. We’ve got a pay-it-forward kind of friendship, I guess.”

At press time, Palmer was found in his room talking to his mom, saying, “I really thought we had something special. I mean, maybe not Friends Of The Good per se, but at least Friends Of Pleasure. Now I’m not so sure.”