Big Issues Archives | Page 9 of 14 | The New England Classic

BC Sends Students To Stonehenge To “Figure It Out”

Big Issues Leahy Service November 1, 2021

“We’re kind of curious on, like, how they did it. They didn’t have cranes then, to my knowledge, so they must have used their hands. Now for those back home, these things are heavy–big rocks,” said “Little” Lisa Thorax (LSOE ’22) over zoom. “We were collected by the president–BC wanted their best applied psych majors, to apply our psych.”

Wait, Do You Guys Actually All Have Fake IDs?

Big Issues Campus Culture Drinking October 24, 2021

I thought fake ids were a myth – the type of thing you only see in Superbad. Like, it’s literally illegal. I’m a good kid. Sure, I like a good underage drink once in a while but identity theft?!

Warning: This Article Is Rated R

Big Issues WTF October 5, 2021

You read the headline and continued on to the article, so I’ll just assume you are, in fact, qualified to consume media that is R-Rated. By qualified, I don’t just mean age. Legally, anybody over the age of 17 can watch a Rated R movie, but simply being over... Read more

“It’s Just the BC Throat Tickle” Says Senior Spewing Mucus In Devlin 008

Big Issues Campus Culture Coronavirus October 1, 2021

“I am vaccinated. There’s nothing to worry about,” Tivacks said with her fingers crossed behind her back.

Dad Brings Girlfriend to Parents Weekend Instead of Mom

Big Issues Freshmen September 24, 2021

“I didn’t even know my parents had split up. I mean, I haven’t even been gone for a month,” bemoaned Dale, clearly bothered by the whole situation. “But I guess it explains him mentioning his ‘new flame’ and ‘adjustments’ at home when we’ve been on the phone – I just assumed he had started taking Viagra or something.”

Jack Dunn Excitedly Preparing For “Spotlight 2”

Big Issues Print WTF June 2, 2021

In just three minutes, Ruffalo had successfully convinced Dunn to reprise his breakout role, once again portraying a slightly fictionalized version of himself in Spotlight: The Squeakquel.

British Royal Navy Invades CAB World Fair

Big Issues Campus Culture April 21, 2021

The sailors made the quick stop on their trip to find the Northwest Passage so that they could investigate the cultures of the territories they were about to occupy.

Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat

Big Issues Campus Culture School Student Life March 17, 2021

BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more

Cancel Culture Comes For Baldwin’s Big Naturals

Big Issues Sports WTF March 15, 2021

“Sadly, it has come to my attention that Baldwin’s voluptuous, feathery bazongas have become the subject of criticism,” Leahy said. “I just want to remind students that acknowledging the positive social and spiritual impact of our mascot’s humongous honkers is a key component to being men and women for others.”

Lochhead Flies To Canada As Positive Cases Increase

Big Issues Coronavirus February 28, 2021

LOGAN AIRPORT — In the midst of a sharp increase in COVID cases on the Boston College campus, Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead was seen boarding a flight to Toronto late Thursday night. Lochhead has been responsible for many of the COVID-related emails sent to students, including those which... Read more