Local Student Under International Investigation Following Incriminating “Slay Queen” Remarks
Big IssuesFeatured September 8, 2022
Chaos has erupted around the globe since the incredibly recent death of Queen Elizabeth as authorities everywhere scramble to rule out foul play. Although autopsies point to natural causes, one student is struggling to clear her name.
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Baldwin Jr.’s Absence At Saturday’s Game Reveals Links To IRA Faction
Big IssuesWTF September 6, 2022
“A review of Baldwin Jr.’s internet search history broke the news to students that the young eagle harbors sympathy for the paramilitary organization known as the Irish Republican Army, or the IRA.”
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The Campus Activities Board of Boston College (CAB) made a surprise announcement Monday detailing its plan to cancel Mudstock and replace it with “Soupcrock.” Mudstock, the beloved annual student volleyball tournament, was scheduled for the first week of May.
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Mutual Sexiness and Unlikability: Why BC Students Often Marry Each Other
Big IssuesStudent Life April 28, 2022
The implications of BC selective marriage for the future are harrowing. The world as we know it will be filled with a vast amount of men who are 5’8” but definitely 5’10” on their license.
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Uh Oh! Your Punta Hookup Just Asked You To Senior Prom At Newton North
Big IssuesNewtonStudent Life March 31, 2022
Barrased continued, “I asked him where he was living, as one does when they meet a fellow Eagle, and when he said ‘I live in Newton,’ I just assumed he had the worst housing pick time known to man!”
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Comeau Defends Decision To End Required COVID Testing: “I Was Afraid Of Missing The BTR Reunion Tour”
Big IssuesCoronavirusSex March 1, 2022
Former Fake ID Owners Spend Weekend at Build-a-Bear, Pump It Up
Big IssuesDrinking February 28, 2022
The remaining population of underage juniors have opted for a more dignified and exclusive option: playing in a private room for 2 hours at Pump It Up. Summer B. Irthday (MCAS ’23) explained to The Classic that she is part of the “silent majority” of underage juniors, and repeatedly reiterated that the rug burn on her knees and elbows are “not what you think.”
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Underage Candidate’s Presidential Campaign In Doubt Following Fake ID Purge
Big IssuesStudent Life February 18, 2022
“Weirdly, John kept on insisting that the birth year on his card be 1986,” said Wead Deeler (CSOM ’25), who organized the fake ID order. “He said he wanted a Pennsylvania ID because ‘they’re easy to fake, and it’s a battleground state.’”
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Warning: Couples Are Gonna Get Snowballed
Big IssuesCampus Culture February 13, 2022
Year after year, lone Eagles have been subject to the brutally humbling experience of watching PDA during the winter time. So what if they seem to understand you like no one else ever has? Holding hands is Gross. We’ve crunched the numbers, and it’s bad; couples on campus have a 100% risk of experiencing getting snowballed by me.
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Jeff Hafley Changes BC Football Slogan To “Everyone’s A Winner”
Big IssuesSportsUncategorized November 29, 2021
The players seem to have a positive outlook on next year’s season. According to a survey distributed by The Classic, the team describes the upcoming rebrand as “cool, I guess,” “what does rebrand mean,” and “as long as i get the scooter idc.”
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