Cool Dad Transported From Tailgate (For Routine Colonoscopy)
Big IssuesDrinking September 30, 2022 The New England Classic
MOD LOT — The Saturday of Parents Weekend is arguably a top-five drinking day of the academic year. The booze is free, the moms get drunk on canned wine, and older brothers come bearing an abundance of cinnamon Zyns from Connecticut. What’s not to love? But for Bruce McManus Sr. (MCAS ’84), who just wanted to enjoy his Saturday afternoon like everybody else, fate had a different plan.
Just after 11:00 A.M., BC EMS received a call detailing a potential situation concerning a “man” who was “going to be late” for his routine colonoscopy. Within a matter of moments, an ambulance arrived at the Mod Lot, and Mr. McManus was promptly transported to Newton-Wellesley Hospital.
“My wife scheduled my routine colonoscopy the same day as the football game!” said Mr. McManus, en route to the hospital. “Is this grounds for a divorce?”
“It all happened so fast,” recalls Bruce McManus Jr. (CSOM ’23), who was witness to the episode. “One moment, I was crushing brews and tossing the pigskin with my old man. Next thing I knew, he’s getting examined for swollen/irritated tissues, polyps, or cancer in his large intestine!”
Dr. Poop E. Booté, M.D., oversaw the relatively invasive but completely safe procedure, which only lasted 45 minutes. Upon completion of the examination, Mr. McManus was handed a Tootsie pop.
“Mr. McManus has a beautiful colon,” Dr. Booté said.
Mr. McManus was in a surprisingly chipper mood when he finally returned to campus just in time for the second-half kickoff. He hastily paid a visit to the concession stand and ordered two beers (both for himself) and three hotdogs (two for himself and one for his beautiful wife).
“I kinda liked the feeling of the tube going in and out of my anus,” Mr. McManus said, unprompted. “This is completely off the record, by the way.”
