Wait, Do You Guys Actually All Have Fake IDs?

KEYES NORTH – When I imagined my college experience a year ago, I envisioned myself as a party animal. I thought I’d be spending every Friday night in a sweaty basement, White Claw in hand, without a care in the world. Nobody warned me that I was going to have to actually get drinks. Upon arriving at Boston College I was hit with a painful realization: everyone here has fake IDs.

I thought fake IDs were a myth – the type of thing you only see in Superbad. Like, it’s literally illegal. I’m a good kid. Sure, I like a good underage drink once in a while but identity theft?! It just seems like a lot of work just to get one $12 watered down margarita at a hole-in-the-wall bar where I have to LARP as a 22-year-old from Indiana in order to get past the bouncer.

When I asked my friends what the move was for this Friday, they all gave each other this weird look. Eventually they answered that they’re “all hitting up this bar” and that I should “totally come with”. They knew exactly what I was going to say: “Oh, my fake hasn’t come in yet. Maybe next time. Yes, I swear I ordered one”. I didn’t.

What does this mean for me? Am I the fringe friend now? Just because I’M doing the right thing instead of succumbing to peer pressure? Nobody warned me that part of the college experience was being morally superior to everyone around you. If this school needs a beacon of good Jesuit tradition in these dark times, it may as well be me.

More Hot Single Sandwiches NEAR YOU:

Do Not Stand Idly By As BC Destroys Its Finest Cultural Institution Campus Racists Attend “Acquitted Eagles Day” Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line “BC Before Dark” To Offer Sippy Cups For Little Stupid Babies Who Can’t Drink