The New England Classic
Sophomore Who Regularly Sleeps Through 11 AM Class Happily Wakes Up At 6 AM To Drink
WALSH HALL — Connor Fitzgerald, a local sophomore who regularly skips his 11:00 AM Globalization class, happily woke up yesterday at 6:00 AM in anticipation of Marathon Monday. “This is the earliest I’ve seen him awake all semester,” said roommate David Brady (LSOE ’20). “He literally never goes to... Read more
I’m Not Waking Up At 6 AM Tomorrow To Drink, I’m Waking Up Because This Recipe Takes 12 Hours In The Crockpot
Slow Cooker Baked Beans Total: 12 hr 15 min Active: 5 min Yield: 12 servings Ingredients 1 bag dried navy beans, soaked overnight One 6-ounce can tomato puree 1/2 cup brown sugar  1/4 cup molasses  1 tablespoon dry mustard  8 slices bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces  1 large onion,... Read more
Student ‘Really Needed’ This Snow Day After Taxing 24 Hours Back on Campus
SNOW CITY, USA — Becca Anders (MCAS ’20) was relieved to receive word late Monday night that Boston College would be closed on Tuesday, March 13th due to inclement weather. “I really needed this snow day,” Anders said to no one in particular. “I’ve been so stressed lately, and... Read more
Addazio Sends Himself Flowers, Chocolates For Valentine’s Day
ALUMNI STADIUM — While overseeing football practice today, head coach Steve Addazio received a special delivery of a dozen red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Although Addazio claimed the treats “must be from a secret admirer,” members of the team are certain that their coach purchased them... Read more
A True Patriot: This Professor Is Honoring JFK’s Memory By Cheating On His Wife
54 years ago this month, the course of world history was changed forever when President John F. Kennedy was cut down by an assassin’s bullet in Dallas, Texas. While more than half a century has passed since that tragic November morning, the memory of the charming, charismatic president lives... Read more
Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article
Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture... Read more
“Eat, Drink, Talk, Kink”: Lower Unveils BDSM-Themed Valentine’s Menu
KINKERAN COMMONS — Going against hundreds of years of rigid Church doctrine, Boston College Dining Services cooked up some controversy on Tuesday morning by announcing a special menu for Valentine’s Day. Catering to the most heathenous members of the BC community, the aptly named “Eat, Drink, Talk, Kink” program will... Read more
Guy Who Just Said ‘And Also With You’ Clearly Hasn’t Done This In A While
O’Neill Plaza Church — While at Mass of the Holy Spirit, a tradition at the beginning of the school year for Jesuit high schools and universities throughout the world, junior Shane McCarthy (CSOM ’18) uttered the words “and also with you” in response to Father Leahy’s “peace be with... Read more
Boston Strong: This Freshman Almost Threw Up, But Didn’t!
COMM. AVE — In a display of strength and resolve to rival that of Boston’s colonial freedom fighters, freshman Brock Barth (MCAS ’19) reportedly fought and conquered the urge to vomit while watching today’s marathon. Barth had woken up at 6:00 AM to begin “crushing” the 36 pack of... Read more