LTE: Who Put Me In Charge Of Coordinating Fall Break For Every College Ever
Campus CultureHolidaysLTE October 17, 2024 The New England Classic
That’s it! I’m putting my foot down. I am so bleeping tired of this gig. Who put me in charge of coordinating fall break for every college ever?
I sure as hell did not sign up for this shit. If it weren’t for me, you fuckers wouldn’t be watching a Morgan Wallen cosplayer at a bar in Nashville. Listen, there’s only so much a singular guy can do. Do you know how hard it is trying to organize 1000+ college students to put their rich little asses in the seats of a flight to Punta Cana?
What? You think this shit just happens naturally? You believe by some stroke of grand fortuity everyone aged 21 to 22 felt called to Tennessee on Indigenous People’s Day? Hell no! I have to send individually targeted ads for low-price plane tickets six months in advance to the top dogs of every school in the goddamn country. I’m fighting for my life here.
You sheep have never made a decision for yourselves. Did Mommy pick out the color of those Vejas, too? Or is there another guy for that, to push you subconsciously into your shopping habits?
At the same time, though, this job isn’t too difficult. Yeah, planning ahead for economic downturns and natural disasters is an arduous task, but peer pressure is the true champion of my job.
Don’t want to go? Allllllll your friends are going. You don’t want to feel FOMO when they’re posting Instagram stories in the town’s Lansdowne equivalent! Oh, you’d rather go visit your aging parents and younger sibling who is growing up during your absence? What if you miss an inside joke?
Just you wait, motherfuckers. I hear the spring break flights to St. Louis are staggeringly low.
