Getting Festive: CAB Announces They Have Hidden A Bomb

GASSON QUAD — Hundreds of brightly-colored flyers littered middle campus on Monday morning, as Boston College’s Campus Activities Board announced their latest festive, socially-distant holiday activity. 

“Basically, what we did was hide a bomb,” explained Aubrey Buckingham (MCAS ‘23). “Everybody always loves our scavenger hunts, but we wanted something even more cheery, more festive.”

According to the resplendent quarter-sheets, students have until December 20th to locate, disarm, and remove the device from its hiding place. If the bomb is found and deactivated successfully, the student responsible will win a free personal training session at the Plex, along with a $20 Flat Breads gift card. If the device is not found, the scale of destruction could be incomprehensible. 

“We’re expecting a huge level of engagement,” noted Conrad Worcestershire (CSOM ‘21), CAB’s treasurer. “We can’t think of a single reason not to participate in the hunt. Any Eagle who’s truly a man or woman for others will recognize the singular importance of saving their peers from what promises to be a fiery, terrifying demise. 

While CAB refused to give any clue as to the building in which the explosive was hidden, they admitted to planting it in “one of the good ones”

“We wouldn’t waste an opportunity like this on, say, McGuinn, or Campion,” said Maximilienne Poddingsworth (LSOE ‘23). “There’d be no oomph! No real push, yknow?” 

CAB’s board of directors insists that the activity is intended to foster joyful holiday sentiment among the student body.

“I’ve been reading a lot about this thing called ‘Hygge’,” said Eszperanza Pucklechurch (CSON ‘22). “It’s this, like, thing from Germany I think? And it’s all about like making your house really cozy and festive, with lighting, and soft chairs, and a book, and stuff like that. So, I thought, why not put a bomb in Stokes North?”

At press time, Administrators issued a reminder that any student feeling distressed this semester may schedule an appointment with Counseling Services

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