The New England Classic
Warning: This Article Is Rated R
You read the headline and continued on to the article, so I’ll just assume you are, in fact, qualified to consume media that is R-Rated. By qualified, I don’t just mean age. Legally, anybody over the age of 17 can watch a Rated R movie, but simply being over... Read more
Micropipette Demonstration Starting To Sound Suspiciously Like Bad Sex

“The professor was trying to fill an electrophoresis gel and was just like, ‘Can you see if it went in there?’” said Emma Barrist, a sophomore biology major. “And as if that wasn’t enough, then he goes, ‘You just have to push gently and then release after the second stop, even though I can never tell if it’s all the way in.’”

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Students Storm Field After Beating Newton North 24-20

“We’re confident that that will translate well to this week’s matchup at Clemson. In a lot of ways, Newton North and Clemson have very similar defensive styles.”

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Short Guy Thinks The Virtual Career Fair Went Well

For the past 18 months, though, Tim has had one less thing to worry about during the already stressful recruiting process. The widespread use of Zoom and similar teleconferencing technologies have leveled the playing field for undersized individuals, as the short appear the same as the tall through the fallible eyes of the webcam.  

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Uhmm, Okay? Freshman Just Introduced Himself As A “Pee-Scholar”
CONNELL RECREATION CENTER —  What would have been a casual game of pick-up basketball was derailed last Thursday when one of the first-year players led with a puzzling remark. As the freshmen made small talk while waiting for a court to open, one casually referred to himself as something... Read more
Father Leahy Becomes A Whale, Changes Tuition To Krill

Dwight Jesse (MCAS ’25), one of the students designing the pool, offered some valuable insight: “He really turned himself into a whale. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”

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CAUTION: Article Under Construction

Yeah, how about you make something funny then, Jesus. All you ever do is take some idea you heard from someone else and then pass it along down the chain claiming it as your own. 

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Jack Dunn Excitedly Preparing For “Spotlight 2”

In just three minutes, Ruffalo had successfully convinced Dunn to reprise his breakout role, once again portraying a slightly fictionalized version of himself in Spotlight: The Squeakquel.

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New CAB Event: Hunt Your Own Dinner

“I’ve always been, like, super into killing small animals, and it just feels so good to share my passions with the rest of the student body. The BC community is just so supportive, and I am so, so grateful to have this chance to absolutely impale rabbits and other small game with crudely sharpened sticks.”

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Wowza: Roommate Used To Have An Astounding Amount Of Pubic Hair

“I was about to hop in the shower when I saw the abomination,” recalled Gillette. “It looked like someone had shaved a grizzly bear.”  

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