The New England Classic
Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

“Yep. It was awesome,“ said Tugger Moatroder (MCAS ’23).

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Sophomore Goes on Retreat for Three Months to Six Years

“Many students have reported rigorous fingerprinting procedures and are supposedly required to have a session with a Boston-based criminal defense attorney.”

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Jerry York Really Just 1300 Peppermint Patties In A Human Suit

Some staff members have been arguing that being made of chocolate makes you unqualified to coach a premier Division I hockey program, yet the players seem to be attracted to his unique method.

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BC Postpones Divestment To Give World Time To Forget Harvard Did It First

Father Leahy supposedly told the senior staff assembled that he would “not let it look like we’re copying those Ivy League fucks,” his frock crumbling with disdain as if it were flustered as well. 

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Warning: This Article Is Rated R
You read the headline and continued on to the article, so I’ll just assume you are, in fact, qualified to consume media that is R-Rated. By qualified, I don’t just mean age. Legally, anybody over the age of 17 can watch a Rated R movie, but simply being over... Read more
Micropipette Demonstration Starting To Sound Suspiciously Like Bad Sex

“The professor was trying to fill an electrophoresis gel and was just like, ‘Can you see if it went in there?’” said Emma Barrist, a sophomore biology major. “And as if that wasn’t enough, then he goes, ‘You just have to push gently and then release after the second stop, even though I can never tell if it’s all the way in.’”

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Students Storm Field After Beating Newton North 24-20

“We’re confident that that will translate well to this week’s matchup at Clemson. In a lot of ways, Newton North and Clemson have very similar defensive styles.”

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Short Guy Thinks The Virtual Career Fair Went Well

For the past 18 months, though, Tim has had one less thing to worry about during the already stressful recruiting process. The widespread use of Zoom and similar teleconferencing technologies have leveled the playing field for undersized individuals, as the short appear the same as the tall through the fallible eyes of the webcam.  

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Uhmm, Okay? Freshman Just Introduced Himself As A “Pee-Scholar”
CONNELL RECREATION CENTER —  What would have been a casual game of pick-up basketball was derailed last Thursday when one of the first-year players led with a puzzling remark. As the freshmen made small talk while waiting for a court to open, one casually referred to himself as something... Read more
Father Leahy Becomes A Whale, Changes Tuition To Krill

Dwight Jesse (MCAS ’25), one of the students designing the pool, offered some valuable insight: “He really turned himself into a whale. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”

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