The New England Classic
WTF
Ben Shapiro Purchases O’Neill And Bapst, Now Owns The Libs
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Conservative author and commentator Ben Shapiro announced last Friday that he has finalized the purchase of both Bapst Library and O’Neill Library, in an effort to “truly own the libs, once and for all.” Boston College officially verified the acquisition in an email to students and... Read more
BC Cancels Campus Subscription to WSJ, Replaces With W, S.J.
ST. MARY’S HALL — Boston College Libraries, under the direction of administrators, quietly cancelled campus subscriptions to the Wall Street Journal (WSJ) last week, replacing them with subscriptions to a new Jesuit periodical, W, S.J. The cancellation, which was announced via Post-it Note on the O’Neill Answer Wall on... Read more
Run For Your Life: The Heightsmen Are Singing 50s Doo-Wop Again
Can you hear the rumble? The rumble from beyond the hill? The slow, growing rumble of the Heightsmen, bumbling, tumbling and stumbling into town? Be still, for they can smell your fear… Boston College’s ONLY all-male a capella group is singing 50’s Doo-Wop on campus once again. It all... Read more
Underground Cockfighting Ring Now Accepts Eagle Bucks
CARNEY BASEMENT — A clandestine chicken-fighting operation in Carney 003 has become the latest Newton business to accept Eagle Bucks, allowing students to easily bet vending machine money on the vicious bloodsport.    Designating university-backed currency as legal tender at illegal animal-fighting rings has been questioned by many at... Read more
Embarrassed Psych Major Didn’t Do Palm Reading For Today

“Franklin declined to give The Classic any comment. Efforts to reach out to her third eye were unsuccessful as well.”

Read more
Best Birthday Present Ever? Agora Is Making You Change Your Password!
Holy shit, it’s your birthday! You’re another year older, and BC knows the most thrilling way for you to celebrate. A nice dinner with your friends and family? Humbug! A card from grandma? Phooey! These gifts are nothing compared to the gift Agora is giving you this year –... Read more
Pigs Running Loose In Walsh After Student Sets Pigs Loose In Walsh
WALSH HALL — It was reported around 9:45 PM on Tuesday that at least three pigs were running through the halls of the fifth floor of Walsh Hall. It was unclear where the pigs had come from or why they were there. The Boston College Police Department (BCPD) was... Read more
English Major Demoted To English Captain
STOKES SOUTH — This past Friday, the Boston College Academic Review Board found Brigham O’Brennan (MCAS ‘21) guilty of gross academic misconduct after a week-long investigation. Rather than place him on academic probation, the Board demoted the sophomore from English major to English captain. As an English captain, O’Brennan’s... Read more
Weird: My Roommate Gets An Allowance From His Parents, But Still Wants Me To Pay Him Back For Stealing His Ketamine
Sources close to my roommate, Alex Milford (CSOM ’21), have reported that his parents, Jane (CSOM ’93) and Lawrence Milford (MCAS ’94) give him a monthly allowance. This information brings into question Milford’s recent assertion that he needed me to pay him back for the ketamine I stole from... Read more
Athletics Raises $150 Million Selling Knives

“You know, when the CutCo division of Vector reached out and told us we could make up to $18.50 an hour with a flexible schedule and great co-workers, we were definitely hesitant,” noted Jarmond. “But once we got every single athletics employee running the phones, calling friends and distant cousins, the results really spoke for themselves.”

Read more