Baby Bird Alert! BC Swim And Dive Severely Misinterprets What It Means To Be An Eagle
SportsWTF September 21, 2023 The New England Classic
THE NEST — With many BC athletics programs getting into full swing, athletes and coaches are striving to welcome their new members with a nibble and a peck of school spirit. While many programs over the years have strived to discover what it truly means to be a Boston College Eagle, one team in particular has seemingly cracked the code on how to welcome its new recruits with open wings.
One athlete, Chuck Bloer (MCAS ’26), equipped with nothing but a pencil and dream, was inspired after watching the nature documentary, Mothers and Their Young and decided to embrace his inner mama bird.
“I really wanted to connect with my young and help them truly soar – in and out of the pool. So one day, I proposed an idea to the flock and was met with a resounding CAWWWWW. So Friday night, I took flight and fed the open and waiting beaks of my baby birds as I rose above,” recounted Bloer.
Reportedly, after the team’s daily splishy splashy party, the real festivities began as the nestlings were poured chlorine and assorted mixers before feeding time started.
Hurl Gulpierre (CSOM ‘27), the first fledgling to be served at the regurgitation station, was quick to explain his side of the story. “What came first? The chicken or the egg? Neither! The team comes first! If you really think about it, there’s no “I” in TEAM, but there is in VOMIT. We need to synergize and cycle all the “I” out of the guts of this team so that we have the stomach to perform at an elite level,” proclaimed Gulpierre.
At press time, Boston College athletics administrators and coaches were heard attempting to regurgitate the events in a positive manner with an emphasis on rebuilding the team to its former glory. 
