BC Football Gets Routed By Clemson, Blames Goblin Halftime Show
SportsWTF October 11, 2022 The New England Classic
ALUMNI STADIUM — On Saturday night, Boston College’s Eagles took the field against the Clemson Tigers hoping to upset the 5th-ranked team in the nation. While the first half of the game featured strong defensive efforts from both sides, the Eagles seemed to give up once the third quarter began. Going from only a seven point deficit to a 28 point loss, the Eagles collectively blamed their failures on the “super spooky and scary” Goblin Halftime Show.
In between the second and third quarters, BC’s marching band’s performance was cut short by an invasion of local Goblins. “They were so fucking scary,” Eagles quarterback Phil Jurkovec (MCAS ’22) said. “Like imagine just seein’ all those green guys runnin’ at ya at full speed.”
They were quick, they were gloopy, and they were fierce. Spearheaded by Geepsop, Chair of Newton’s Goblin Club, the Goblins filled the stadium with utter fear and mucus. “HEEgda Mok Plodiddy crust joilp shinw,” Geepsop screamed through the stadium’s PA system, which we later translated to, “Halloween is coming, time to be afraid, ahhhhh we are Goblins, don’t take the vaccine.”
While the people in the stands were terrified from afar, the football teams were up close and personal with the Goblins. “I shook Geepsop’s hand, thinking that he was a real winner,” BC coach Jeff Hafley remarked. “But their performance was just unsportsmanlike at its crux, and we don’t do that here. It really threw the whole team for a loop.”
“After the halftime invasion, we were just drained,” Jurkovec said. “They scared the living shit out of us, like Zay was shaking and pissing everywhere and the entire offensive line started digging holes.”
Evidently, the Goblins left a mark on the Eagles, but the Tigers were unfazed.
“I mean we’re from South Carolina,” Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney said, “the Goblin community there is huge.”
Geepsop addressed Swinney’s comment by saying, “KAKAK bobinga lipso tipso woop9 quiche rhilg,” which means, “Oh yeah, the South Carolina Goblins even scare us, so I figured Dabo and the boys wouldn’t mind our performance. Sorry, my Goblin wife is calling I have to go.”
